Saturday, October 29, 2005

Honest Questions

Before i get started, i must say that the relation between the title and the subject of this post in any way reflective of a talent for subtlety or lack there of. It's my tribute to Daniel Bedingfield's splendid song "Honest Questions", which two years ago eased me through a rough patch.
It's 1 am and exhausted by the exercise in futility that is counting sheep in a desperate bid to fall asleep, am listening to music and reading my fantastic book of the week. I just listened to Josh Groban’s Starry starry night, which invariably moved me profoundly. The lyrics “I could have told you Vincent, this world was never meant for one as beautiful as you”, however, struck me with the force of a revelation. In addition to inspiring vicarious sorrow, It got me thinking: How does one know that one’s tribulations are different from the banal troubles that are part of life and are therefore due to the fact that one is too beautiful for the world? And if indeed one is able to make such a distinction, what is the appropriate response? If extraordinariness carries a price so high that it drives one to suicide is it a virtue? If it is to, to whom; the world or to the individual: Is the individual but a channel whose well being is secondary to the responsibility of being a conveyor? If the individual is vessel isn’t he or she important enough to merit special tending? If something is precious, then surely, it should be kept from harm, no?
It's Saturday afternoon, and having had to engage more that auto pilot in order to procure jewellary and books, i noticed, for the first time in a long while, my surroundings. What struck me most was two hommies of Indian or Pakistani descent decked in hiphop and rastafarian panoply. It's offensive that people who do not realise the true significance of such identity claims should usurp them; that people who do not understand brotherhood beyond the bounds of color should adopt such insignia.
I must be going now, clearly this is an issue that requires more thought than i've given it, and i aint got time right now.
Muffti: shalom shabat
Chelsea brotherhood: Arsene Wenger is a hater, we're so gonna win today; he's jinxes won't work!
Have a good weekend y'all.

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Nobel for Mahmoud Ahmadinejad

I hereby, in recognition for his great contribution to humanity, propose Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad as a candidate for the nobel peace prize. Having improved the lot of the poor who elected him, made the desert bloom, and helped the Kashmiri people through the trying aftermath of the devastating earthquake, he's now ready to be the champion of the palestinian people!
By building decent homes, and investing in the territories so that people can get jobs and live in dignity you ask! Why no, silly. The great leader has his sights set on loftier goals than such banal concerns: The wiping of Israel off the map. No, he doesn't mean to commission the mapping of the world anew to exclude Israel and the world oppressor (the West), and anybody he might not like in future so drop that hypothesis. I suppose that the remark "As the Imam said, Israel must be wiped off the map." he meant that he intends put into effect the iman's words, not with a pen but with a mop, which we all know to be the mightiest weapon.
And because, Mr Ahmadinejad is a great humanist, he's glad that the zionist enemy is in fact a robot, so no atrocity will be committed in the wiping of Israel off the face of the earth. What? Israel is full of people you say? Nonsense, yet again a nother example of Western Propaganda. Yes indeed the same West that established The state of Israel in a masterful stroke to infuriate the Islamic world. What? Israel is the Jewish homeland? (Strident tone) Rubbish, i have no time for this propaganda! I must conclude now, but before i go, i must say that the president will himself lead the mop up party, and the leave the mopping operation to the jihadists (children) in order to attend to the all so important task that is logistical support!
Note to France: These comments were never uttered by President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's press secretary. They were never uttered period! This message will self destruct in 5 seconds. 5.4.3...

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Pro whaat?

Muffti, since you're the only one reads this blog - hello Soni? Eric? Oscar? Toni? Marit? No, anyone? - i figure i can write posts for/to you specifically without compromising the integrity of the site. That argument may not be wholly sound but am determined not to think it through so just go with it.
You've been applying for professorships? Really? That's hot; am totally awestruck. I must warn you though; you're perilously close to meeting my minimum standards for human greatness: You're humorous, witty, erudite. What's next; you're a fan of Chelsea fc, you like Superman above all other superheros? Perilously close i said, because if you keep going as you are, i'll have no choice but to give up my attempts at living, rather imitating life, and wholly devote myself to admiring you. And if that doesn't at all sound frightening then perhaps this will help - think psychotic chick in pom-poms following you around singing "This shit is bananas b.a.n.a.n.a.s.."
In light of the fact that you're not just the lowly anonymous genius that i thought you were but an esteemed Professor of knowledge, i hereby replace my earlier generic invitation to Kenya with a specific one to Uganda. Oops had i not mentioned that last week, after all of half an hour of consideration, i decided i'd move to Uganda at the end of the month: Kenya and I have reached the point of diminishing returns. So i've decided to save my skin by moving to a country infamous for dictatorship and war. But not to worry, reputation and reality seldom recognise each other.
It should take me 6 months to get settled, from then on mi casa shall be ready to host your esteemed self. I advise that you come in October so that you may take part in the circumcision festivities. (Note to Muffti: You have no say in this, just agree and prepare to come.) You'll have a blast take my word for it: I'll take time off work to be your personal concierge to Rwanda, Kenya, Namibia; whereever man - call me Miss Africa. But wait, there's more; i'll even cook for you. Of all the numerous attractions to Africa, none's as rare, or extraordinary(extraordinarily bad) as the display of my culinary skills. So forget, white water rafting, climbing lush mountains, cultural tourism, and wild animals, the thing to see is me in the kitchen.

Wednesday, October 19, 2005


Emily Wilding Davison, Emmeline Pankhurst, Christabel Pankhurst, George Elliot, Virginia Woolf, Golda Meir, Margaret Thatcher...
We can now add Destiny's child to that illustrious list. Why you ask! I should think it's obvious but i realise that the ability to connect dots is pretty rare so i'll lay it down for you: Destiny's child as an entity is an icon in the feminist movement. uh? Why, ofcourse: Destiny's child has embodied the completion of the feminist movement. Granted the completion is not cut and dried but the stage is set. Feminism has come full circle: Up until now feminism shunned, despised even, traditional female roles. There was an increase in delinquency because women even shirked the responsibility of child rearing! Infact many social ill can be traced to the intransigent movement: Some women even suffered because of it, the oppressiveness of the effort, of the infinite goals, of the burden of transcendency when there was always an easier option; life was robbed of its beauty and simplicity! And until recently, they've suffered in silence.

But thanks to exception women like Paris Hilton, Jessica Simpson, Laura Bush ... Feminism has been rescued from killjoy overachievers. We can now celebrate traditional feminity without being shunned for it: Just because some women died in the struggle to escape the positions traditionally apportioned to women doesn't mean we owe them anything; it doesn't mean we should renounce those alternatives: one woman's prison is another's field of gold. The fact that the civil rights movement was half completed doesn't in any oblige black people to choose to embrace their rights! The freedom to choose excludes no option: One has the liberty to choose servitude if they so desire. But i've digressed, a whole lot.

The emancipation of the feminist movement would have been incomplete but for the splendid expression of the ladies of Destiny's Child. Not only have they symbolized the evolution and fullfillment of the movement - From Independent Women to Cater 2 u - they've also given voiced to long suppressed women who only desired t0 take Off their men's Shoes, Untie their Shoestrings, take Off their Cufflinks, and altogether Serve them. Women whose lives Would Be Purposeless Without their men. Every crusade needs its values articulated, and embodied. And i'd say These young ladies have done great!

Kicking me while am down

Life's strange, you take calculated risks, leaps of faith, and cultivate trust. And just when you think the hard work's done, and you're due for a period of smooth sailing, it kicks you in the ass! And while you're down, it kicks you some more. Such is the current state of my life.
For ten years now, i've lived in symbiotic harmony with malarial parasites. At age 14, following a 3 month bout of malaria, i lost faith in modern medicine and decided thenceforth to opt for homeopathic remedies. And so it is that i've lived with a few - enough to keep my immune system alert but not sufficient to cause afflication- parasites in my circulatory system. The parasites in exchange got free shelter, and food. For fourteen years, the situation served both parties well; the perfect symbiotic experience, or so i thought.
As long as the only problem my immune system had was a few parasites, it held up pretty well, and the germs were pacific. But 3 years of unrelenting stress have been more than an even match for my little soldiers. And in my time of vulnerability the germs i have supported for so long have turned on me; and redefined ingratitude and myopia: If i get terribly sick, i'll either die or see a doctor, none of which options are favorable to the little ingrates.

Thursday, October 13, 2005

New year's eve

It's the eve of my new year - 2morrow's my birthday, have you got my present yet? Run along, there's time yet - and there's a lot stock tacking to be done. It has altogether been a dreadful year; personally and universally: a year so awfull that i couldn't help but question everything i believe. In the wake of the juggernaut that has been my year i have nothing but prescient faith. I'll spare y'all the my afflictions, everybody hurts; we're agreed, no proof is needed. With regard to the universal afflictions, i'll say nothing either: there's no need to relive the trauma. I do however extend commiserations to those whose personal distress has been aggravated by nature and the indifference of others. No, am not about to launch into a rant against indifferent leaders, the kind that's typical of tree huggers, socialists, free thinkers, and all variations of maladjusted people. I'll try to stay focused on the good things of the year.
Note to reader: My choices are apontaneous, not at all thought through for the simple reason that if something makes enough of an impression, remembering it ought to be effortless. Or maybe it's because i'd rather not think too hard about this. My mind needs a break from me.
Musically, it's been a phenomenal year: not only has there the music been good but the artists have been commendable. Here's my list of the cre`me de la cre`me - i should get me a french language keyboard- of the year:
Song of the year
Fix You - Coldplay
Honorable mentions
Sometimes you can't make it on your own - U2
You're beautiful - James Blunt
The best of you - Foo fighters
All About Us - taTu
Aint no Love - David Gray
Devils and Dust - Bruce Springsteen
Candy shop - Fity aka Ferari
Goodbye my lover - James Blunt

Album of the year
X & Y - ColdPlay
Honorable mention
Life in Slow motion - David Gray
Something to be - Rob Thomas
Artist of the year

Honorable mention
Kanye West
Chris Martin

Cinematically it's been a middling year. There was one extraordinary movie - War of the Worlds-, and one very good movie - Closer. There are probably more good movies but i haven't watched them since movies take ten years before they come to African cinemas, but hey i aint complaining: why should i complain about watching movies only ten years after release?

I'd love to go on but have only have time enough to say big up to my girl Soni, private person of the year. I love you immensely, my life this year has been bearable because of you. I'll pass on the popular way of expressing gratitude- passive aggression, hostility, evasion, rudeness... - and use the traditional one: I'll try for the rest of my life to prove myself worthy of you.
We're gonna have a blast shaking our asses.
Watch this space for pictures of yours truly and her gals shaking their asses in celebration of her, eh, 18th(24th)birthday.

GM: Hope you're having an easy fast. Am with you in spirit.

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Kate Moss

Unless you've been in a cave, in the arctic, on the space station, or in Siberia during the past two weeks, you probably have not escaped the furore surrounding Kate Moss. There those who view the deserved castigation of that immoral woman as sanctimonius, harsh even. It's ludicrous that morally upstanding people should have to defend their sanctions against the derelict but life being what it is, there's no helping it.

When news of and proof of her drug habit surfaced, and she demonstrated her contrition, we magnanimously pardoned her transgression: she may be a supermodel with the jet set life style of a rock star but she's no better than us, infact she's to be pitied, poor little degenerate. It's Life affirming, isn't it? Shows life in a whole new perspective!

If only that had been it, we'd have moved on with our lives. But no, poor little rich girl had to push the bounds of forbearance; the worst was yet to come. The reports of drug use were followed by more sinister ones: It soon emerged that she is a (to be read in relatively hushed tones)sexual pervert. She not only has sexual fantasies, she enacts them. What world is this in which women have fantasies? Aren't they still catalysts and props for the satisfaction of men? Or has something changed! Jude Law was mentioned as one of the participants in those (supercilious, sanctimonius attitude is recommended while saying this) orgies; but am certain that he was a victim of that pariah: why else would he have divorced Sadie Frost(Moss's partner) if he'd had it so good? Alas, society is to blame for this tragedy, feminists were given too many concessions.
But hold on a minute, sexual experimentation is not right even for men. The least we can do is allow for a don't ask don't tell policy. But even with that, she's still culpable. She wasn't discreet in her actions and as a result she stands as a living reproach to all of us for our secret fantasies and desires, and the occasion slips that occur as a consequence. But one's conscience is difficult enough to placate without embodiment. Which is why Kate must be reprimanded: we must embalm our principles by making a precedent of this personification of weakness!

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Double take

She's so gonna win an oscar.
Take heart, hollywood wizardry; it washes iff. Here she is in all her babelicious glory.

A Friend Indeed

As the year progresses, as President Bush continues to have unexpected(well crafted) moments of lucidity(Public relations successes), as Paris Hilton gets engaged then unengaged, one thing remains constant: My bemusement at life. Not content with pulling the rag from under me, the universe seems to be conspiring to wreck something far more sinister. Paulo Coelho writes of a principle of favorability but i sense that the time for it may have passed; perhaps now is the time for the principle of unfavorability. How else can i explain life. I could carry on but i don't suppose y'all have a whole day! At any rate, i suppose you're breathless with anticipation to hear what i've been upto over the past week. And while am certain that nothing less than a minute a minute account will do; am afraid you'll have to be content with a recap.

Last wednesday, while in the throes of an emotional breakdown, i sought comfort in a friend; in the words of a friend to be exact. My dear friend, in comforting me, said "You're human like the rest of us". Aside from the fact that i've been saying the same thing all along, it pretty self evident that am human. I am, am i not? Maybe i've been missing something. Where the hell are my so called friends, how could you not tell me that i look it ET, oh boy this is really not a good time to find this out. Excuse me while i weep myself to extinction. That's a bit fatalistic! Okay, i'll take a weeping break, catch y'all later.