Pro whaat?

Muffti, since you're the only one reads this blog - hello Soni? Eric? Oscar? Toni? Marit? No, anyone? - i figure i can write posts for/to you specifically without compromising the integrity of the site. That argument may not be wholly sound but am determined not to think it through so just go with it.
You've been applying for professorships? Really? That's hot; am totally awestruck. I must warn you though; you're perilously close to meeting my minimum standards for human greatness: You're humorous, witty, erudite. What's next; you're a fan of Chelsea fc, you like Superman above all other superheros? Perilously close i said, because if you keep going as you are, i'll have no choice but to give up my attempts at living, rather imitating life, and wholly devote myself to admiring you. And if that doesn't at all sound frightening then perhaps this will help - think psychotic chick in pom-poms following you around singing "This shit is bananas b.a.n.a.n.a.s.."
In light of the fact that you're not just the lowly anonymous genius that i thought you were but an esteemed Professor of knowledge, i hereby replace my earlier generic invitation to Kenya with a specific one to Uganda. Oops had i not mentioned that last week, after all of half an hour of consideration, i decided i'd move to Uganda at the end of the month: Kenya and I have reached the point of diminishing returns. So i've decided to save my skin by moving to a country infamous for dictatorship and war. But not to worry, reputation and reality seldom recognise each other.
It should take me 6 months to get settled, from then on mi casa shall be ready to host your esteemed self. I advise that you come in October so that you may take part in the circumcision festivities. (Note to Muffti: You have no say in this, just agree and prepare to come.) You'll have a blast take my word for it: I'll take time off work to be your personal concierge to Rwanda, Kenya, Namibia; whereever man - call me Miss Africa. But wait, there's more; i'll even cook for you. Of all the numerous attractions to Africa, none's as rare, or extraordinary(extraordinarily bad) as the display of my culinary skills. So forget, white water rafting, climbing lush mountains, cultural tourism, and wild animals, the thing to see is me in the kitchen.