Friday, May 11, 2007

C’est Lui

Woe-yi woe-yi, something’s amiss in the universe! No, it’s not the old suspects: ozone depletion, global warming etc. it’s something else, cataclysmic – an American neo-con, a Bushist, in the Elysee palace, in the heart of Old Europe. Nobel Napoleon!

How did this come about? No, silly, it’s not how it came about that a bushist condescended to take up the leadership of a bit stinky old Europe but how it is that the resentful people of that bit of old Europe came to elect one of those that they hate as only the lowly are capable of loathing their betters? The media sensation surrounding the “situation” in France has been so lost in the bubble of denial requisite for surviving such shock that it’s left to me, your dependable, eh, whatever to provide some analysis. Having devoted 2 entire seconds to this issue, I believe I’ve arrived at the explanation.

(drum roll)

Mass hypnosis! Yep, so simple an explanation that one could almost overlook it. That’s the genius of it, I suppose. The particulars of its implementation I must, for reasons of global security, withhold. But there was a fatal flaw in the method, it’s effects were limited to the moral, decent, and upstanding lot. It was assumed that these were in the minority so the problem was ignored. But as you may well know, Sarko won a landslide victory, the winningest (if it’s good enough for CNN…) margin of victory of the right wing over the left since the days of general de Gaulle. If you scoff at this explanation, I challenge you to explain how an “ambitious, hyperactive, facist, Bushist, capitalist” could win the Presidency of France even when the saintly madam Royal did her duty, pointed out that he was immoral, indecent, would brutalize France. Even on the very last day if campaigning she warned there’d be trouble in the surburbs. And she was borne out by the riots the erupted after Sarko was announced winner.

But alas, the majority of France is immoral and indecent, and fell under the Sarko spell breaking that of the socialist hypnotists. Sarkozy! The man who proposes that people work for a living, that immigrants adapt to France! Mother France! The man is a fascist, he’s vocabulary consists in the main of the word France. France, France, France, inexorable, insistent, until the poor immoral majority could not help but take leave of their senses.

What really gave him the edge were the votes of Marie le Penn’s supporters. Supporter of the far right have no valid concerns, of course. They all are racists, and all their concerns are racist. Anyone who wins their vote is immoral. Had any of Le Penn’s people offered madam Royal their votes; she’d have said,"get behind me satan" and matched on to cue music from the white stripes.

But not all is lost, madam Royal will soldier on, protect the French from themselves. “she’ll erect in her mind a mighty staircase, with a dark pit of shame and ruin at the bottom; and down those stairs, she’ll watch him descend.” (When last did you read Dicken’s Hard Times)