Friday, April 07, 2006

They're here!

Opportunity's a bitch, she's elusive most of the time, but when you least expect it, she comes along carrying a flag and she goes begging. Take CNN for instance, always trying so hard to remain relevant, knowledgeable, and enthralling; resolute in its tedious coverage of leadership contests, for example, invariably themed so and so decides. I’ll never quite forget the three hours of the last American election coverage that I watched because I couldn’t sleep: Jeff Greenberg, Larry King and Wolf Blitzer all commendably saying the same things over and over again. I was fascinated by the monotony and was curious to see how long they could keep at it. Eventually I was lulled to sleep by the dullness of it; which was no mean feat considering how restive I was.

CNN, it appears, has a soft spot for covering elections; although the criteria for selection of which election to cover is pretty hazy. So it would not be unreasonable, to assume that it would jump at the opportunity to cover an interesting major election. But such an assumption would be wrong, because as it happens, the network’s fondness is not for elections but for boring events. Why else would it extensively cover the first anniversary of Pope John Paul’s death and ignored the sensational story that is the Italian election? The Italian election is a dream story, sensational enough to put tabloid reports to shame; except it needs no fabrication or embellishment. It could practically write itself: a rich embattled prime minister, a gorgeous missus who so disagrees with her husband that she doesn’t vote for him, and an adversary who associates with baby eaters, and many testicles. See what I mean?
In the first of two presidential debates held two weeks ago, Romano Prodi accused Berlusconi of fostering corruption in government. Mr. In return admitted to increased corruption but denied that he was at fault. The trouble, he said was that Italians are a naturally corrupted people and it was not for him to rein them in but to lead them. Okay so he didn’t say that but such a statement wouldn’t be out of place in this election. What he did say was that Prodi is a front-man for a coalition led by Communists. And to clear up any uncertainty as to what he might have mean, Berlusconi at a rally for his Forza Italia Party elaborated thus:

I have been accused many times of saying communists eat babies. Go and read the black book on communism and you'll find that under Mao's China they didn't eat babies but they boiled them to fertilize the fields.
They say we look to the past too much, but they forget that in the opposition there are three parties who proudly call themselves communists.

And Mr. Berlusconi is not fazed by doubters, who are in fact under cover communists, because he’s got proof:
In the run-up to winning the 2001 election, Berlusconi said: "I can organize a conference in which I will prove communists have really eaten babies and done even worse things."
What is truly astounding is that nobody seems to take this man seriously. So am taking it upon myself to sound the alarm: The communists are here; they’ll take over Italy, then the world.
They are already at the helm in Russia and are currently heading the G8. I read the Russian President’s entitled “The Upcoming G8 Summit in St. Petersburg: Challenges, Opportunities, and Responsibility”, and boy am I afraid. The speech is subtly littered with communist propaganda and which any right thinking person would do well to pay attention to. The Speech is littered with communist rumbings such as:
We have suggested to our partners that we should focus on three serious and pressing issues: global energy security, combating infectious diseases, and education. These three priorities are oriented towards achieving an objective which we hope is clear to all our partners, namely improving the quality of life and living standards of the present and future generations. (the quality of life and living standards of the present and future generations? Hello isn’t that just another way of saying they are going to eat babies?!)
But there’s more:
Today, global energy is an important and true engine of social and economic progress. This is why it directly affects the well-being of billions of people around the globe.
Is Mr. Berlusconi the only one sane enough to see the danger here?
The way most people see it, energy security has mainly to do with the interests of industrially developed countries. It should be kept in mind, however, that almost two billion people in today's world do not enjoy modern-day energy services, while many of them lack access to even electricity. Their access to many benefits and advances of civilization has been virtually blocked.
Be afraid, be very afraid!
So you’ve been warned. Keep your children in sight, and by all means get that bomb shelter going because they are here!
If you don’t take this warning to heart, you’re an a bloody idiot and a masochist


At April 11, 2006 10:07 AM , Anonymous grand Muffti said...

heheh..great post Joy. Muffti especially liked the slap at CNN :)

At April 12, 2006 8:28 AM , Anonymous muthoni said...

Hey dear child, hilarious post! I also couldn't believe that a whole election could degenerate into discussion over testicles and baby consuming communists. I was ecstatic that Prodi won. At least a few Italians were not taken in by all the crap.

At April 12, 2006 10:20 AM , Blogger jinan said...

I don't think i made myself clear, so let me break it down:
Communists = bad, very very bad

So Soni, Prodi's win is nothing to rejoice about.
Muffti, there was no slap at CNN, unless, of course, it's a communist network.


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