wuthering

Hushed hello

2010-04-01T07:55:00.003-03:00

It has been a while since my last post - yes i'm still perceptive about the obvious!! I kinda fell out with blogging for a while (only two 2 years), then got excited about facebook; and then got disgusted by the compulsion to broadcast everything i did. When i felt i was turning into a twit, i figured i'd return to blogging. But i was thwarted by technology: apparently google hasn't noticed that a good number of us access the internet via mobile fone. So after all this time, i'm back with fresh angles; trying to string together coherent thoughts instead of churning out disjointed streams of consciousness as i have been doing on facebook!! I wouldn't be here if i didn't have fresh perspective so let me know if i'm rehashing the same thoughts or have progress! stay tuned

This shit is bananas

2007-06-28T14:09:00.000-03:00

If he'd lost the BET award to anyone other than Neyo, i'd have been first to cry racism. But he's still my favourite. Cocaine, cocaine

What i really wanted

2007-06-28T13:11:00.000-03:00

How to start this almost defeats me. I could go the cheesy zig-zagah-zig route, but some sky news already has that covered. I've thought of trying the spice mama route but i may as well point out that the sky is blue while i'm at it. So i'm going to do it my way - how original!
My one and very desperate wish for 1999 has finally come true: The Spice girls are reuniting! Thsi would have meant the world to me back then, but now, after i'm past starving myself to achieve that posh look, it's nothing more than what posh said it is: a celebration of the past. I think it's redundant to celebrate the past, isn't being here enough tribute!! How about taking on the here and now. Cant handle it can you spice girls. Shit, am i pissed?

The War jargon

2007-06-26T15:09:00.000-03:00

If you thought the "one man's suicide bomber is another's freedom fighter" issue was difficult, i did, things just got alittle more complicated with some new jargon: insurgent or guerilla. What's the difference anyway? Why is she writing about this, you ask! Because, my little earthlings, i wanted to post something about the peace effort in afghanistan when i realised i didn't know the proper name for the guys fighting the coalition troops. They are not called guerillas, i was certain of that. But what then?! It came to me, evnetually, but the point had been made!

Ps: Does "one man's suicide bomber is another's freedom fighter" argument apply in Iraq and Afghanistan or is it valid only with respect to the middleast?

The Fray

2007-06-26T14:37:00.000-03:00

If you're thinking of anything other than the band, then even i can't help you. Anyway, i recently read a review of The Fray that described the band as coldplay lite. An interesting comparison because Coldplay's been described as Radiohead light, which would make The Fray RH lite lite.

That aside, i don't think comparisons with Coldplay are justified, the Fray is more like Snow - open your eyes,close your eyes, can't make my mind up- Patrol, a bad version at that. That said, "How to save a life" is a decent song. And there are a feeeeeww more onthe album but for the most part the sound is monotonous almost to the point of being irritating.(Sorry guys, i couldn't do better than you but surely you can do better than that album.)

The same can't be said of Maroon 5's "It won't be soon before long". The new album is if nothing else an evolution. 'Makes me wonder' is wonderfully catchy, i doubt if anyone else could have so delighfully mixed soul and pop/rock. Even my niece can't stop with the 'amymore amymore...'

Robin Thicke's 'Evoltion of Robin Thicke' is a refreshing R&B album, almost an oxymoron. Enuff said!

"We are all in the same family"

2007-06-26T13:40:00.000-03:00

We are family, really we are. We are the same. Quit saying i am different, no i am the same as you. We grow from the same stem. Don't we? Yes we do.....

No, that's not the kind of conversation i've had with my sisters, not even in a parallel universe. What it is, is something bigger: the new foreign policy mantra. "(insert country of choice-turkey, Israel, Russia, Libya....-take your pick) is a democratic country that shares common world and common European values."

Why entire states allow themselves to be maniulated into europeanising themselves is quite beyond me. Why not try the Donald approach, "You're the old world, and we are the new. Now go fuck yourselves!" And if that doesn't work they could always try the chinese india route-reproduce until you have a sixth of the world's population, then flex some muscle - "We're Indians, you can't snub us, who will manage your call centres if you do", "We're china, snub us and you'll be no diffeent from the primitive Africans who have no clothes to wear." Uganda for one is trying that approach, its population is expected to double in the next 20 years. Take that bitches! Excuse me while i go do something for my country-reproduce!

An officer and a gentleman

2007-06-26T12:56:00.000-03:00

An officer of the righteous people's army of mother -or is it father- Russia was last week sentenced to a three year prison term by the equally righteous courts of the people of the said mother land.
The charge against that officer of the noble institution: the bartering of a conscript in exchange for handsome 30 pieces of silver-$2,500 if you are so inclined. A minor charge which shoud have earned him nothing more than a slap on the wrist but for the unfortunate accident, subsequent to the exchange, which left the said conscript less a leg and suffering brain damage. Not the officer's fault, surely. The resulting sentence shades light on the flaws thta have crept into the righteous courts of the people. A competent court should not have allowed itself to be influenced by the conscript's injuries, however pathetic. 3 years for bartering! What has the world come to?!!!!!!!!

The last of the Beckham posts

2007-06-20T11:37:00.000-03:00

Beckham puts England back on track

Egan Richardson in Estonia

England's celebrity value in world football was amply demonstrated here in Tallinn on Wednesday night. The front page of Postimees, the biggest quality newspaper in Estonia was given over to pictures of the visiting England squad. 'England arrive', was the headline, as if they might have got lost on their way to the airport. The stunning 2-1 victory for Estonia in the supporters game staged on the afternoon of the match was also given prominent coverage.

GettyImages

David Beckham is challenged by Joel Lindpere

An increase in security and the thorough frisking given to journalists on their way into the ground caused a few raised eyebrows as well - that hadn't happened in Tallinn before. Given that the game against Russia in March preceded an international incident between the two countries and an organised attack on Estonia considered by some experts to be the first instance of large scale cyberwarfare against a NATO country, it gives some idea of the importance of David Beckham's return and the arrival of England's footballers in Estonia. There were other things on the minds of Estonia's footballing public though, it wasn't simply a case of turning out to see England. The Estonian Football Association presents the 'silverball' trophy to the player judged to have scored the best goal for Estonia in the calendar year, and this year there have been slim pickings for the judges. No pickings at all, in fact, the Estonian national team being goalless in 2007. There are still two games against Andorra to come - so there should be at least one Estonian goal this year but Estonian football fans are a little worried that their goal of the year might be a goalmouth scramble, or maybe a penalty. Last year Tarmo Neemelo won it with a header from three yards out. Such is life for the minnows of UEFA. England boss Steve Mclaren had been anxious to ensure Peter Crouch would play at the Le Coq Arena, as it was felt he was more suited to this type of opponent. His competitive goals for England have come against teams of a similar stature - Trinidad and Tobago, Andorra and Macedonia. Estonia manager Jelle Goes, who announced after the match that he would leave Estonia after his contract ends in November, was sanguine in defeat after the gangly striker scored the second goal. 'How can you defend an Eiffel Tower like Crouch?' he asked. 'You can climb on his neck but then it's a penalty.' This is not to diminish England's victory, they scored more goals in Tallinn than the other contenders in the Group E, but the fact is that this was a routine victory and everyone in the England camp knew it. It's a strange trait of football managers that the more pressure they are under, the smilier they get. Steve Mclaren was grinning widely before the game as he watched the players warm up, occasionally smoothing his hair for the cameras and waving to (possibly imaginary) friends in the crowd. After the game he was curt and dismissive, saying questions about Beckham's future inclusion were 'not for tonight'. Which is all very well, but what message does it send to the rest of the squad? That the manager does not trust them to deal with tiny Baltic countries, but beating Russia home and away might be different? The recall of Beckham, looked at in purely tactical terms, was a success. But it poses some awkward questions about the manager's judgment and about his confidence in his Europe-based players, and indeed his confidence in Beckham given his refusal to commit to including him in future squads. 'Lets just enjoy the win,' he simply said

	“	How can you defend an Eiffel Tower like Crouch? 'You can climb on his neck but then it's a penalty. ”
		Estonia coach, Jelle Goes

So Steve Mclaren is happy with three points and three goals from what he said was 'always going to be a tough game.' He was rather less forthcoming about what he can do to mitigate the effects of England's poor performances so far. His answers about Beckham's continued inclusion were baffling, given that it was such a humiliating U-turn for him. Unless he believes Estonia to be such a dangerous team that they require special measures, it looks rather like he may have been using Beckham to secure his own position and avoid any embarrassing slip-ups, before reverting to what he privately believes is the best squad selection for England. Michael Owen has no such worries. He is safe in the knowledge that he will be picked no matter what, as the new holder of the record for competitive England goals. He looked slightly off the pace against Estonia, struggling to hold the ball up and make the right pass. After making 13 appearances for Newcastle United in two years, Owen might be on his way to a new club and he obviously intends to use England games to increase his visibility. 'I idolised Gary Lineker as a kid and to break that record is fantastic,' he said after entering the record books. Newcastle will be pleased at increasing the resale value of their injury prone striker. Freddy Shepherd was caught on camera recently offering to 'fucking carry him back' to Liverpool, possibly believing the Chester-born striker to be incapable of getting there independently. Goes was asked about likely qualifiers from the group. His answer twisted and turned and tried to be polite, but in the end it boiled down to the fact that it's probably between England, Croatia and Russia. He was careful to point out that not everyone is under as much pressure as the England manager. His compatriot Guus Hiddink is building a young Russian team and therefore 'qualifying for the Euros isn't a priority, as I understand it.' Of course, England have no such luxury and McClaren knows he has to beat Russia, Israel and Croatia to stand a chance. Mclaren would do well to look at what has preceded him. Beckham often saves England in qualifying and then the nation sweats on the fitness of him and Owen. To all intents and purposes Beckham is back and will outlast Mclaren. It would take a very brave or a very foolhardy manager to drop him after the last two games. We'll see if Mclaren fits either of those descriptions.

Apologie to the non Beckham fans. I'm posting this, as with everything else, purely for myself so that when i forget shit, i can return here and remember.

There's justice in the world

2007-06-19T10:56:00.000-03:00

McClaren can't admit the worth of Beckham

Kevin Palmer
Archive

We could call him Steve McClaren's dirty little secret.

You know the type. One of those embarrassing personal problems that nag away at you until you are eventually forced to give in and face up to your demon. The only problem for England's beleaguered manager is that his blemish is a touch more obvious than most.

His name is David Beckham, the most famous footballer in the world and the man McClaren has been forced to turn to in a bid to rescue himself what all observers believe will be a humiliating sacking should England fail to beat lowly Estonia in Wednesday's Euro 2008 qualifier.

While his decision to drop Beckham in the first place was brave and the move to recall the in-form Real Madrid midfielder is equally bold, McClaren is clearly embarrassed by the fact that his first major decision as England coach has proved to be a mistake. Given the chance to prove his own manager wrong in a 77-minute international comeback against Brazil last Friday, Beckham snatched his chance in typical fashion and proved he should never have been away from this ultimate stage in the first place. McClaren could take some credit for this unlikely story, yet you just need to spend five minutes in the company of the ex-Middlesbrough manager to appreciate just how much this whole problem has consumed him. In fact, his determination to replace Beckham's name with the word as 'he' while offered grudging appreciation for his performance in the 1-1 draw against the five-time world champions was sad to behold.
'He didn't want his return to be the main focus, I didn't wanted it either and I think it has been key to our preparations,' said McClaren, as he managed to spill a few words about his 'problem'. 'He showed in training exactly why he should be a part of the England squad and it doesn't surprise me. I have seen him play week in week out from Real Madrid and he has been giving that kind of performance time and again. 'He gave us great balance on the right side of our midfield against Brazil. He is fitter and stronger than I've seen him for a long time and when you hear Real Madrid boss Fabio Capello saying he is in the best shape of his career, you have to listen.' Critics of this sporting icon are rarely far away and there will be many who view his England return is little more than a boost to the 'Brand Beckham Inc' publicity machine he is purported to front. However, such claims have been rubbished as he has proved himself to be a sportsman with real character in the last few months. When the managers of both Real Madrid and England decided they could do without a figure who has long divided public opinion, it would have been easy for Becks to take the easy route and prepare for a wealthy semi-retirement with Los Angels Galaxy this summer. Instead, he has defied those who doubted him, forced his way back into the plans of Capello and McClaren and even if his international return is brief, he must feel it was worth it for the reception he received from his Wembley public on Friday. Beckham's name was cheered louder than any other before kick-off and his every touch sparked a rash of flashlights to light up the North London skyline. His delivery from set-plays was as immaculate as ever and when McClaren replaced him late on, the standing ovation he received may have been heard in Madrid. 'He is putting in extra work on the training ground at Real Madrid and it's paying dividends,' continued McClaren, looking increasingly agitated as the Beckham questions continued to flow. 'He takes adversity on the chin, bounces back and his performances merited coming into the team.
'Many have questioned my decision to bring him back and there has been a great debate about it all week, but his performances have merited a place in the squad since the New Year. We got a good performance out of him against Brazil.' McClaren's ability to create a PR disaster was exposed again last week as his determination to keep Beckham's return low key led to the cancellation of planned media events last Thursday. His pathetic attempts to keep his recalled midfielder under wraps were never going to work and if he can't handle the reality of working with the game's biggest stars, he really should get out of the kitchen he is frying in. This coach is clearly struggling to handle the superstar in his midst, yet those of us at Wembley on Friday appreciated the positive impact the returning hero has on the sell-out crowd. For the first time in years, the feelgood factor was back for England. Beckham may be a one-trick pony, but his party piece of delivering decisive balls into dangerous areas has brought Real Madrid to the brink of the Spanish title and he did the same for his country as a trademark cross set up skipper John Terry for what should have been a famous winning goal for England. Yet with McClaren persistently dismissing questions about his future in the England squad when he makes his move to LA Galaxy next season, it seems Beckham's return to the international scene will be brief. He will help dig McClaren out of a hole in Tallinn on Wednesday before being discarded again and if that proves to be the case, the folly of the manager's twisted decision making will have been exposed. You just had to listen to the tone of McClaren's voice as he reluctantly praised Beckham and then went on to enthusiastically promote the performances of favourite sons Frank, Stevie and Michael. In the eyes of the fans, Beckham was the star of the Wembley show and not the trio of Lampard, Gerrard and Owen, yet McClaren did his best to argue his point.

Ignoring the fact that Lampard was jeered by sections of the crowd as he left the Wembley pitch, the coach portrayed a different view and claimed the Chelsea midfielder's midfield partnership with Liverpool skipper Gerrard was flourishing. 'I can't explain why Frank got the reception he did,' he stated. 'I felt he answered a lot of questions as he did his job with great discipline against a top side.

'People doubt whether Frank Lampard and Steven Gerrard can play together, but they proved they could on Friday night. They've only lost one game playing together in the midfield and the discipline and ability they showed gave us the platform to attack Brazil.' McClaren's body language in front of the media is now akin to that of a rabbit caught in glaring scary headlights. He may have started out with the intention of developing solid relationships with the reporters who have buried many an England manager down the years, but this ambition lies in terminal tatters. Maybe he should use the next few days to get a few tips of media relations from the man hailed as the king of spin himself. David Beckham is a useful guy to have around.

Reprinted from Soccernet

Oaky, i admit; i love Beckham - he's not Zidane(who is), he's famous, he's pretty blah blah blah, what's new! He's made so much of a right foot, defenders mut be glad that's all he's got, that and spades of determination. oh, and the best of spice world - every girl, every girl, spice up your world! People of the world, spice uo your world......

C’est Lui

2007-05-11T13:18:00.000-03:00

Woe-yi woe-yi, something’s amiss in the universe! No, it’s not the old suspects: ozone depletion, global warming etc. it’s something else, cataclysmic – an American neo-con, a Bushist, in the Elysee palace, in the heart of Old Europe. Nobel Napoleon!

How did this come about? No, silly, it’s not how it came about that a bushist condescended to take up the leadership of a bit stinky old Europe but how it is that the resentful people of that bit of old Europe came to elect one of those that they hate as only the lowly are capable of loathing their betters? The media sensation surrounding the “situation” in France has been so lost in the bubble of denial requisite for surviving such shock that it’s left to me, your dependable, eh, whatever to provide some analysis. Having devoted 2 entire seconds to this issue, I believe I’ve arrived at the explanation.

(drum roll)

Mass hypnosis! Yep, so simple an explanation that one could almost overlook it. That’s the genius of it, I suppose. The particulars of its implementation I must, for reasons of global security, withhold. But there was a fatal flaw in the method, it’s effects were limited to the moral, decent, and upstanding lot. It was assumed that these were in the minority so the problem was ignored. But as you may well know, Sarko won a landslide victory, the winningest (if it’s good enough for CNN…) margin of victory of the right wing over the left since the days of general de Gaulle. If you scoff at this explanation, I challenge you to explain how an “ambitious, hyperactive, facist, Bushist, capitalist” could win the Presidency of France even when the saintly madam Royal did her duty, pointed out that he was immoral, indecent, would brutalize France. Even on the very last day if campaigning she warned there’d be trouble in the surburbs. And she was borne out by the riots the erupted after Sarko was announced winner.

But alas, the majority of France is immoral and indecent, and fell under the Sarko spell breaking that of the socialist hypnotists. Sarkozy! The man who proposes that people work for a living, that immigrants adapt to France! Mother France! The man is a fascist, he’s vocabulary consists in the main of the word France. France, France, France, inexorable, insistent, until the poor immoral majority could not help but take leave of their senses.

What really gave him the edge were the votes of Marie le Penn’s supporters. Supporter of the far right have no valid concerns, of course. They all are racists, and all their concerns are racist. Anyone who wins their vote is immoral. Had any of Le Penn’s people offered madam Royal their votes; she’d have said,"get behind me satan" and matched on to cue music from the white stripes.

But not all is lost, madam Royal will soldier on, protect the French from themselves. “she’ll erect in her mind a mighty staircase, with a dark pit of shame and ruin at the bottom; and down those stairs, she’ll watch him descend.” (When last did you read Dicken’s Hard Times)

Shocker

2007-04-17T12:24:00.000-03:00

Today, on the BBC, i heard a shocker, shocking enough to get me to post something today, in defiance of my mom's directive to go straight to my home so as to avoid any potential run-ins with vigilantees or the police (shit! an armoured police car just passed outside this cafe, will they be spraying tear gas soon, i wonder! I might be safer with the vigilantees, i could pretend to be one of them), the rate of inflation in Britain last year was 3.1%(ah gasp!). To put things in perspective, inflation is over 2000% in Zimbabwe(an exact figure is hard to find as the rate rises by the second) , and 1000% Peru. Oops, wrong stats - comfort, and propaganda facts for African Presidents. So the perspective once again: Inflation rates, last year, were 1%, 1.2% for Japan and Holland respectively. Britain's own target rate is 2%. You may be wondering what the repercussions of this shameful state of affairs are to the people responsible, the Bank of England big shots. Will they be fired, demoted, tear gased, tried on trumped up rape charges? Glad you asked! None of the above, actually something worse. The big boss has had to suffer the Indignity of writing a letter to the Chancellor of the Exchequer (read that with a british accent - sounds pretty funny!) explaining the dismal inflation rate. If the Chancellor of the Exchequer has his job for reasons other than being the Prime Minister's "best friend", he's got to know that Oil has been about $70 a barrel over tha last year, and that since Britain is not a major producer of oil ...... So the letter is just to humiliate the poor governor - ah, the indignities of being an underling. Well, on the bright side, he can thank his lucky stars that he's not the governor of the Bank of China:L he might have been suspected of corrupt dealings, and shot. Is there a lesson in this for African leaders. Why yes, you guessed it. No silly, it's not that we should shoot people when they fail in their duty, even in the face of uncontrollable forces(greed)! It's that the humiliation of writing a letter with redundant explanations might motivate them to do their jobs better. Ha ha hah hah ha!

Take that

2007-03-26T12:37:00.000-03:00

The South African Protea reject, Kevin Pietersen, just made it to the top of the world rankings. Hurray for affiramtive action, is all i'll say!

200 years Post End od Slave Trade in the BE

2007-03-26T11:55:00.000-03:00

Last week Britain celebrated 200 years since its parliament declared an end Slave Trade within the British Empire. Some have taken offence at the way Britain has claimed the declaration as an achievement on it's part. Apparently the Brits should shut up and let the victims of the trade speak. While that might be a good idea, i can't help but wonder about what they'll say - something along the lines of "we were in chains but now are free would be appropriate" but we can't in truth say it. We were in chains but are we free? I think not. "Emancipate yourself from mental slavery" sounds good coming from Bob, but it's just a line in a song, nothing more. In the meantime we have unbelievable numbers suffering from hunger, disease, war and so on. But 100 Africans dead barely registers on any radar, not even our own. Our "oppressors" must be shocked, and shamed into saving African lives. The adverts on CNN with their "How dare you enjoy yourself while Africans are starving?" message, the concerts in aid of African Charities, the demonstrations on behalf of poor thrid world countries, the majority of them black, the G8 resolutions on helping poor, poor Africans - none of that shocks us, in fact only rarely is it that the average African is aware of all these goings on on his behalf.
Shame is not a word we know of. Not with many of us flocking to sweep the streets and clean the washrooms of Europe - the new African dream, was there ever an old one. But let others be quiet so that we can celebrate our achievement - the end of the slave trade, of indignity. The irony!!!

Ps: A bit nebulous, this post - but the first in months so don't say a word, just be grateful(ubiquitous word in African Vocabulary.)

A triumph of people power

2006-11-20T13:10:00.000-03:00

Yesterday morning, after washing my face, and brushing my teeth, i made myself a cup of tea and proceeded, as i usually do, to my watch my favourite comedy - the BBC news. The headline - A triumph of People power - was brilliant. The people in the video clip that accompanied it was of bearded gentlemen, who appeared to Arab. ...
To be continued......

A dream of ..

2006-11-20T13:06:00.000-03:00

Some people lead charmed lives. Their dreams are sufficiently complex to constitute the plot of a novel – and no, by dreams I mean not thoughts, ideas, and so on, but the expressions of hopes and fears in our sleep. Speaking of hopes and fears, is it just me or is the new British band, The muse ripping off Keane’s sound, it’s lyrics even. When humming The Muse’s “Starlight”, I inadvertently switch to Keane’s Crystal ball. So similar are the songs that it’s easy to drift between them. The muse has mastered everything from Keane’s plaintive “love come save me” tone to the prominent piano. They even use the title of Keane’s first album in Starlight, but use “expectations” in place of “fears”. So complete is the Muse’s imitation that the band would win a place in the Guiness book of 2006 for impersonation act of the year. As exhibit A I have only the song Starlight. But, heck, if people can send other’s children to fight and die in a baseless war, I think 1 piece of evidence is plenty. Incidentally I like the song Starlight quite a bit. I’m only a bit ticked off that Keane lost the EMA best band award to – must I say it. A travesty if ever there was one. Next Oasis will lose to the Killers! What has the world come to!

But I digress, considerably! Which I suppose is to be expected when one’s procrastinated blogging as long as I have. I my defence, I’ve been busy. I never thought I’d ever say that but that’s life as guess. Strangest of all is the fact that I quit my job. A move that was designed to allow me to gain more control over my life, but which has failed because servitude has now been replaced by the acceptable indolence that is … - hell I can’t explain it in a few lines so it’ll have to wait, I really am trying not to digress.
Back to the dreams issue. Somebody wrote an entire novel based on her dream of Africa – a very long dream it must have been. Another wrote a play about a dream in the mid summer. Those are two instances just off the top of my head, so I really could keep going.
I’m not one of those fortunate people. My dreams are pretty episodic, and I’m lucky to recall one let alone piece together a story. I’ve been lucky today. I dreamed, last night, of Michael Essien – midfielder extraordinaire, Chelsea Player, and Ghanaian International. That in itself not strange at all. What was extraordinary is the non amorous nature of the encounter. There was no moonlit walk in givangi gardens, no roll in the hay, nothing! A crazy bitch has taken over my subconscious mind. I know this because on meeting Essien all I talked about was how well he’s playing for Chelski. So extraordinary was the dream that it has inspired my first posting in weeks. I therefore figured that maybe I could post a story inspired by my dream. But I don’t suppose that I’m very creative because I should have come up with something by now but here I am. So I figure I should consult Senor Materazzi who is to pen a book, inspired by the infamous head butt in the world cup final, to be simply title “What I really said to Zidane.” I stand to learn much from a man who can pen an entire book, not a novel but a book, about a 3 minute incident.
Now I must go, but before I do, I must thank Oscar and Eric for making me very happy. Thanx guys. I’ll now sign off, I’m awaiting an important call - Biting my nails and looking plaintively and angrily – by turns - at my phone, every two minutes is a big part of that. But before I do, I recommend that y’all go and get yourselves a copy of the album by Freshly ground, the south African band that, along with Colleen Bailey Ray (try and say that really fast), counts as the best new act of the year. java-scripts.net

London Town

2006-09-22T11:53:00.000-03:00

I am an African, i wallow, complain, and defer blame; and therefore i am - an African, silly! Yesterday while listening to Savage Garden's Crush and burn, the lyrics, "You can crush and burn, you're not alone." jumped out at me. I got to thinking about the one person i know will have my back if crushed; my best friend. The very same one that has gone off to London town and abandoned me. Yes, abandoned me, left me alone, forsaken me, with Akon's "Lonely" as my only solace. For those of you who have haven't heard the song, listening to has a similar effect, on the nerves, to the sound of nails scraping a blackboard. So you can imagine how i'm doing. Anyway, i got to thinking: I need someone to blame. So who's to blame? ...... Got to go, it's a Friday evening; i have to enjoy the days of my you - "have to" being operative here! Would explain further but there a young man here, bugging me; and if i don't walk quietly away, i just might wring his neck. Peace out y'all.

Priceless!

2006-09-20T05:22:00.000-03:00

It's been a difficult couple of weeks; i've fallen and gotten so many times that if i have to get up one more time, i'll strike and stay down; and the world will just have to go on without me. And what a catastrophe that would be!! With such lovely thoughts filling my mind lately, it's hardly surprising everything looks so "peachy" or should i say "jack fruity" - Yes, there is a fruit called Jack fruit, it's equatorial. If you've not tried it, you don't know what you're missing - so you can continue in your blissful ignorance.
Anyway, where was i! Yes, my troubles: Even the fullfillment of my hopes causes problems. Case in point: i'm dating a guy who is so awesome, that i consider myself to be the luckiest girl on the planet. But i'm wracked with anxiety most of the time, to the extent that I fear my little mind will implode from the deluge of questions, which increase exponentially by the second, in it: will he call, won't he, when will he call, what do i want, how will it work .... Of course i could simply let things go as they will, but then what would i do with myself, relax? I don't think so!
But even i these hard times, there are good moments, moments such as this, that leave my mind blank for a second, after which i begin to wonder, was it luck or sublime skill that made that possible. That leads my to watch the clip about a million times over, analysing the move again and again and ... And in the end i'm still not quite sure if it was skill or not! And the magic is lost because i tried to look behind the curtain! Damn!!

But there more good moments, such as this morning when the bajaji driver asked his customer to board another bajaji so that he could serve me instead. The miffed customer asked him how much i paid him to deserve such preferential treatment. And the bajaji man politely responded, "It's not about the money."

2006-08-29T04:46:00.000-03:00

Shame on us

2006-08-11T10:07:00.000-03:00

"DEMOCRATIC REPUBLIC OF CONGO Upper Congo
Swedish missionary and a young boy mutilated by a rubber sentry in the employ of a 'concessionnaire' company in the Upper Congo. The Belgian Congo under King Leopold II employed mass forced labour of the indigenous population to extract rubber from the jungle. As the demand for rubber grew King Leopold's private army of 16,000 mercenaries were given leave to use any method to coerce the population into meeting quotas, including random killing, mutilation, village burning, starvation and hostage taking. This photograph forms part of the Harris lantern slide collection. Alice Seeley Harris and her husband John Harris were missionaries in the Congo in the early 1900s. They produced a collection of images documenting the horrific abuses of the indigenous people of the Congo by King Leopold II's regime. Their photographs formed part of what was probably the first orchestrated multimedia campaign against widespread human rights abuses."
Credit to Panos Pictures

Why does horror persist in Africa. 4 million dead in the Congo over the last 10 years, where is the outrage? Why is this still happening?

Yeah!!

2006-08-11T07:15:00.000-03:00

When Italy won the world cup, some pedantic people said it was a shame; they cited the investigations of corruption in the Serie A, doping allegations as reasons why the win for Italy was a mockery of the beautiful game. But that's exactly what you'd expect to hear from dated people, paper-pushers, and their kind.

it's easy to see why an Italian win was good for football, for the world, for individuals like me. Ladies and gents, i present exhibit A - there's need for only one; this my people is eloquence at its best. It's like David just came to life!! I'll leave you to decide the appropriate response - No touching please!!

Hot chick of the day

2006-08-11T05:55:00.000-03:00

You know i was itching to say hot slut of the day - i'm reading way too many blogs! But my powers of self control although increasing diminished are still quite effective. For your tired eyes, i present the hot chick of the day - actually two hot chicks - my cousin Mbabazi, and her daughter Sonia aka Soni. It was taken months ago, Soni is now a year and two weeks old. Her birthday party was last week.

I didn't attend because it had rained heavily. Okay, that's the reason i gave. The real reason - because it had stopped raining by the time i would have had to go - is that meeting the same self-involved, insipid people that i met at the last party, and the one before was not sufficient reason for me to drag myself out of bed, and struggle through a two matatu long journey. So i stayed warm and read a play called Majangwa - A promise of Rain. It's a brilliant play by a little known Ugandan playwright called Robert Kalundi Serumaga(RIP). It is the most interesting play i've ever read. No scratch that, it gives the impression that i have enjoyed some of the plays i've read - i haven't. It's absolutely fantastic! I happen to have come across through the good fortune of being friends with the Playwright's equally gifted son Kalundi Robert Serumaga, whom - in the interest of advancing and preserving the arts and to satisfy my own curiosity about a man who has in my mind taken on legendary proportions - i agreed to help type the script.
You're not likely to find anything on google about this playright - There's more to the tragedy of Africa than famine, disease, poverty, famine, disease, poverty. Hopefully, in time that will change. If you're interested in reading the play, let me know; and i'll see about obtaining permission to email it.
Have a good weekend.

2006-08-09T09:05:00.000-03:00

Just read an email from my fav person in the world, so i'm feeling pretty normal and rearing to do the things that normal people do, like blogging, reading chelsea fc fansites - boy, do i love being a chelsea fan; Chelsea fans fucking rock! - .....
In spite this good vibe, i can't help but contemplate why my fav person in the world is such a calming and happifying influence. Why do i suddenly feel like Dorothy - peering behind the curtain at the Wizard. There's a Luganda saying about that sort of thing - i can't actually quote it seeing how my grasp of the Lunguage is only slightly better than my French, but it loosely translated it means that understanding is the antidote to enchantment. Which reminds of something i've been thinking of lately - marriage. It's the antidote to Romance, isn't it? When people are in love, they want to be together all the time, so they decide to get married. When they marry, they get their wish but then the spark dims. Then either they try to get some salvage value out of the enterprise or give in to the deterioration.
You're probably wondering why i've been thinking about marriage. No, i'm not getting married; even though i did propose to Morgan today: Morgan is my contact at our ISP. I told him i'd marry him tomorrow if he sorted out our problem - and boy did that work, 5 minutes and i was already seeing results! Don't judge me for charming people into doing what i want - i'm a Libra, i can't help myself.
Speaking of Morgan, maybe i should call him - he is pretty fly, and he likes me. Well let's see how long i can keep the misanthrope at bay. I like myself, obviously, but the lil socialite in me sometimes feels a little suffocated, and feels the need to assert herself. Strange how happy i am right now, is it the net, Soni's email? I can't quite figure it out! There's shit going on that should have me pissed, but here - locked away in the small airless, filthy room i call my office - i can confidently say, i have no complaints. Maybe, like Bill Clinton, i'm learning to compartmentalise stuff! While this blessed state is fantastic, it's also a little frightening - shit now i have something to lose!!
Where was i? Ah yes, marriage. I've been thinking about it because a few people i know are taking the plunge. Why, i wonder isn't it enough to love someone, and trust that it's enough of a commitment. Why marriage?!!
But enough of that, but to the real issue of this post: why does my fav person make me feel normal. My immeduiate thought is that because she's normal. But it could also be that she's not normal. Maybe it's a case of "The Others"! Gosh, i loved that movie!!

2006-08-02T07:09:00.000-03:00

Hello y'all, i really should keep my word but with all that's happening lately, i've become a bit nihilistic. What with Mel Gibson, France, Spain and the rest insisting on making displays of idiocy, i can't help but think that we're doomed. In the greater scheme of things blogging then becomes a bit pointless. Happily i have a friend who thinks that my stances on Africa and the middleast are, eh, unAfrican - whatever that means - and is bent on helping me see the light - that we Africans are oppressed, and we should band together with other oppressed people against the big bad western world. So i'm indundated with mail about these issues. Sometimes i respond to these emails - the most annoying ones. Below is my response to this article that he sent me.

Dear K******
I hope you're well. I printed out the material you sent me janna and tookit home - I figure that if you send me something then it merits the serious consideration :-), which I can’t give while using the rightside of my brain. Because the good people at powe company had seen fit to let us have power on the day alloted to us to have it, i was able to read one of them last night. As I read the article on governance, I, like Ahmadinejad, felt the presence of a 6th century grand mufti upon me, and undertook towrite the sort of letter that only we the inspired will. Inspiration not withstanding – because it’s been eclipsed by attentiondeficient hyperactive disorder, and my apathy regarding bad west theories– this letter is not as cogent as it could have been but I’m certain thatyou’ll glean some sense from it. As I read, one thought was predominant inmy mind: What is the west, and what is its nature? What extraordinary entity is this whose methods are infallible, and designs are designs aretenacious and dynamic to the extent that they cannot be countered??
Perhaps it’s not so much that the vest is invincible, invulnerable,superhumanly cool entity but that the poor world is inordinately inept. For this possibility, there is sufficient evidence; unless, of course, thefailure to food security in a perfectly fertile country with a climate tomatch, reliable power supply in a country with abundant sun shine, andrivers, convenient access to water in places where it is abundant, decenthousing, passable roads and so on is due to the imposition of westernstandards, which our minds cannot help but capitulate to. Whatever happened to taking all opinion but keeping one’s censure? Which brings meto my next question:To what extent are human beings responsible for their own actions? Thewest may impose preconditions for its charity but it’s not mandatory thatthe “poor” accept it. Everything carries a cost, even charity! To pretendthat it is otherwise is foolish. If the poor accept charity, it’s witheyes wide open, at least with the option of it. If they choose to keeptheir heads in the sand, then they should not go about blaming others forthe consequences; it’s naïve and childish! With this state of affairs Iwonder what the agitation of independence was about! Or is it that wethought we could have self rule without responsibility. If we want thewest to be our guardian, we should forfeit the little matter ofindependence. Otherwise we should quit whining and get on with it. Africans and our apologists have made an art of asking and comprehensivelyanswering the wrong questions so it’s hardly surprising that this articlerages against none issues and not against the circumstances that engenderthem. This author spinning in narrow orbits cannot see beyond them. Thecrux of African problems is not western intervention but the internalweaknesses that facilitate it. We criticise western intervention anddiscount it as self-serving, all the while resolutely avoiding the pinkelephant in the room – our countries are studies in failure. It’s easier to be critical than to be correct, and we criticize because we don’t know how to set about being correct. We dismiss policy suggestions asself-serving, yet propose no workable solutions. To be self-serving is nocrime; even the noblest of things are driven by selfish intent. Wisdomconsisting in keeping oneself from being exploited by the selfishness ofothers; our drivel about self-serving Europeans only serves to show howfoolish we are. We deflect from ideas by attacking their proponents, andthereby doggedly defend our rot never acknowledging that the West canafford to be corrupt, we can’t! If the west is driven by need to minimise immigration, they’re not alone:South Africa, Botswana and a few others do likewise. Ivory Coast is indire straits over immigration. Perhaps those are part of the west.Secondly, we could learn much from the west. Their constant fidelity tothe cause of it’s nations Is something to be admired. If our governments did likewise, we would not be reduced to our circumstances!We continually harp about how we’ve been raped and pillaged, and focus onapportioning blame rather than on finding solutions. That we’ve beenrobbed is incontrovertible but what do we hope to accomplish by going onabout it. Isn’t it oxymoronic that we expect justice from the very peoplethat are supposedly against us. We have no leverage, we’d do better by letting off shouting ourselves hoarse and solving our problems.We must examine the possibility that we criticize the outside enemy because the reality of us being the enemy is overwhelming. I'll not keep you any longer. Bye bye
Have a nice day!
Joy

Sometimes you can't make it on your own

2006-07-13T08:38:00.000-03:00

Yours trulymaking it with the help of Soni aka bestest friend - Thanx dear. I'll post soon: bn busy with the world cup and a boss, whom am sure is trying to kill me. I'll not go down easy, i'll stay up and fight, today i celebrate my independence day!! Yeah, i can do that coz the dude's on leave till next week! I'm done with his project but i bet he'll say, "you can do better, Joy". And i'll say, "sir, yessir!" or maybe i'll finally explode, who knows. Great guy my boss is - can you sense the passive aggression; my ex boyfriend was a good teacher!
Okay guys, i'll post soon. Muffti, wherever you are, i hope you're having a blast!

Ps: I just had a tough workout from watching Beyonce's new video, what boundless energy she has! Have anyone one seen it. I recommend it, watch it without sound - it's hilarity itself. What the hell was she thinking!!

Compliments

2006-06-15T08:37:00.000-03:00

It's a hot, Thursday afternoon, and the England, T&T game is in an hour so it's hardly surprising that i can't seem to focus on the the great world changing work that i should be doing. So I'm cutting myself some slack, and doing something fun - thinking. What am i thinking about you ask! Compliments, expressions of praise, admiration, or congratulation. I have no sympathy for what passes for compliments because most are nothing more than flattery, and the rest forced and unnatural. But that's not to say i haven't received any compliments that delighted me. I present, for your reading pleasure, my 5 all time favourite compliments:

5. You need to see a therapist
4.Don't you ever shut up. (Or as someone more articulate would have said: You don't have to rage against everything that's unfair.)
3.You're bigheaded.(Or as someone else might put it; headstrong)
2. You're hard-hearted.
1. Since i've known you, i've been more assertive. (You're so pushy it's begining to rub off on me.)
1+. My best friend. (Belated happy birthday regards, babe!)

Compliment (1) is the inspiration for this post. My colleague just said that to me - something like it only nebulously.

The two state solution

2006-06-08T09:32:00.000-03:00

For one who's been counting down to the world cup since the last one ended, it comes as a great suprise that one of my friends is more than just indifferent to it, he's averse to it; would like nothing more than to leave the country and get away from all the mania. Which is all well and good but leads me to wonder why it is that we're friends. Heavens, if our sentiments on something as vital is football differ then am afraid that our relationship is superficial at best and, dare i say it, very likely false!
But it gives me a brilliant idea - yeah because am a brilliant kind of person; don't laugh, please. There quite a few people who'd like to get away from world cup mania t , but have very few options for suitable destinations. So how about if ever world cup period a country is set aside for all such people. The football enthusiasts in that country can relocate to another country for the duration of the world cup tournament.

Enjoy the tourney, am saying that for the second time today so that you'll know that i mean it. Bye y'all. Tomorrow is a public holiday over here - to mark the start of the touranament. Haha just kidding. It's heroes' day; what a joke! They should name it martyrs day. Aurevoir!

The trouble with legs

2006-06-07T04:01:00.000-03:00

The holy, exalted, anointed council of Iran continues to ban women from contending that it is "un-Islamic for a woman to look at a strange man's legs - even if she didn't take pleasure from it." The only thing wrong wit that assertion is the "even if she didn't take pleasure from it." How can a woman take no pleasure from looking at a man's legs? I present exhibit A:

Oooooooh, Ahhhhhhh, yeah baby! Oop, wrong picture
Better! Where was i? Ah yes, awwww, ahhhm, yeah...

See, the Iranians are onto something! Infact i'd take it further: women hould be banned from ever setting eyes on men period. Women are weak, you see, simple things like a man rolling up his sleeves and fixing his car, or watching a football game on TV can trigger violent fantasies; so to ensure the alvation of their souls, certain sacrifices must be made on their behalf. Now that i think of it, the world cup should be banned altogether: it can't possibly be healthy for men to look at other men's legs either, even if they get no pleasure from it. So i propose that, in the interest of all our salvation, the cancellation of theworld cup finals, which incidentally the blessed elected President of Iran means to attend if his nation's team makes it past the first round. Such faith, awww, how touching!

Enjoy the world cup y'all. Much love

Talking Music

2006-05-18T09:06:00.000-03:00

So see you when you’re forty,Lost and all alone,Being comforted by strangers,YOU'LL never need to know,Not sad because you lost me,But sad because you thought it was cool,To be sad...

Having developed a successful formula for controlled nuclear fussion, figured out a function that can be used to predict the price of oil to the 6th significant figure, and found a way to influence the champions' league and FA cup draw in chelsea's favor; I've devoted some time to drawing up a list of the top ten all time breakup songs; temper "all time" with the fact that i was made in the eighties, was a puritan until age 18, and [insert relevant qualification]; and we'll be on the same wave length. So far i've considered only one song: See you when you're forty(see excerpt of lyrics above) by Dido who has also given us such memorable songs as: Take my hand, My Lover's gone, Mary is in India, Don't think of me, Here with me, This land is mine, Do You Have A Little Time..... Docu drama or short film anybody!
Arty title aside, See you when you're fourty is a profound song, a great song. Save for the whole waiting thing. 40, 40! Why can't it be 25 or 30 for crying out loud! Awaiting vindication is delaying hope, the toll that takes is akin to serving time - as far as i can imagine it anyway. The magnimous will say: let it go, the best revenge is to live well. Magnanimity, vengence - chew on that! Well i like vindication, in fact i prefer vengence: When somebody is a bitch, they should be struck by lightening(Hello Amadiora, where art thou?), or the ground below them should open up; the sooner the better.
But reality is not so kind, especially not to me - oh why does it always rain on me? (Travis, thank you for the music.) So i'm always happy to see people get their comeupence immediately, or within a period of six months as was the case recently with a certain, ah, government, which rebuffed appeals to cease and prevent attacks on its neighbour. Threats of economic sanctions were met with defiance, and boasts of aid from hommies from the Arab world. All of which points to one thing: the Hamas leadership's lack of experience in the game of love. No playa in their right mind gives up a sure thing for vague prospects! It would appear that, the hommies are not partial to putting their money where their mouths . And so reality begins to bite. An unfortunate situation that has not improved despite the support of the Iranian government and the advocacy of Osama bin Laden, whose position, differs from that of Hamas. "What Osama Bin Laden sa(ys)id is his opinion but Hamas has its own positions which are different to the ones expressed by Bin Laden,"
Got that!
Now if only Dido would write a song in line with that cycle of life..... Now for a song that i pick no bone with: Bed Shaped by Keane, who by the way are releasing their second Album this june. The first single "Is it any wonder" is already circulating. Save up your monies kids, it's going to be good, or really disappointing. That really clears it up, doesn't it!

Am Blue

2006-05-09T04:01:00.000-03:00

Blue blooded male. Excuse me while i imagine myself to be that trophy!

Somebody get that child some blue clothing, Pliz!

Quoted-made in Africa

2006-04-28T06:07:00.000-03:00

Atwiine(brother): J, are there any incumbents, anywhere in the world, who have lost elections?
J: Yes
Atwiine: Examples please!
J: John Major, Jose something - the former spanish Prime Minister, Viktor Yanukovich - you know, the Ukrainian dude- George Bush
Atwiine: George Bush?
J: Yeah, George W's father
Atwiine: Okay! Any Africans?
J: I can't think of any off the top of my head but there must be ..

Asiimwe(sister): Why is it that Africa has only 5 slots in the world cup finals?
J: Eh, because we suck! Our performances don't even justify the 5 slots.
A: Yeah but we're a big continent!
J: That says nothing for our value!
A: Since when does Africa have to measure up to such standards?

Mbabaz(Cousin): Joy, with the Premiership(English premiership) ending on the 7th of May, and the World cup starting on the 9th of JUNE and only the Champion's league final on May the 17 between the two, whatever shall we do with ourselves for the duration of the football-less month!

J: Mbabaz, this is really bothering me, any ideas?
Mbabazi: Would you like an egg?

Trouble

2006-04-25T14:38:00.000-03:00

It’s a universally accepted fact that women are dangerous; and if you differ then you’re either a woman, a child, or are not part of the universe. Think Eve, Helen of Troy, Lady Macbeth, Jezebel, Delilah, Senator Palmer’s wife, Monica Lewinsky, Cleopatra, Angelina Jolie, and you’ll see what I mean. If you’re taking issue with any of the afore mentioned figures, you’re not keeping your eye on the ball; focus please! Anyway like I was saying, women are trouble, Eve-il even, sometimes momentously but mostly in subtle, unremarkable ways such as the way they laugh, and the provocative clothes they wear, which instigate poor defenceless men to rape and defilement. And which at least cause men to commit adultery in their hearts. That, I learnt from one2one a program I came upon while channel surfing yesterday. On that very astonishing show, one of the hosts went to the streets, accosted a few people and coerced them into admitting that they were sinners. He asked the respondents, among other questions, whether they’d ever lusted after members of the opposite sex. The answer was a unanimous yes; perhaps because none of the people sampled were gay. Our guide through the sordid world of sinners obligingly informed the respondents that they were adulterers; even when the objects of their lust were their “women”, which said something for his sanctimony but much more for his want of women in his life! All this in order to prove that bullying can be an effective means of showing people the error of their ways. Nothing was said of women lusting after men, so ladies knock yourselves out!
Women’s insidious corruption of men is a concern to upstanding people of all societies. But solutions are hard to come by. So yesterday when a caller to the Christian Voice, a talk show on Uganda Television network proposed government intervention to solve the scourge, I was intrigued. It just might work, I thought.
So when I heard that the Iranians were putting 200 extra policemen on the streets of Tehran to enforce Islamic dress code amongst women, I was over-joyed. It warms my heart that not only a good minds applying themselves to the threat posed by women but resources are also being committed to the fight to combat the problem.
As a woman, I am unaware of any perilous powers in my possession but I accept the possibility that I am dangerous. And I’ll take the word of learned people on it.

Pure Joy

2006-04-12T03:26:00.000-03:00

The past couple of weeks have been pretty lousy for Chelskians, and with the losses to Fulham, Middlesborough, the desperate draw at Birmingham, the loss to Barca and the less than convincing wins against Tottenham, Man City, and WBA it's easy to see why. In the media blitz over the conduct of players, the glee over the hiccups, alleged player unrest, and the "impending" dismissal of the special one, there's been little to cheer about in the land of Chelski. In fact some of us, yours truly excepted, have began to doubt that we would live up to half the promise with which we'd started the season.
But even in those dark days, there were those who resisted the tide of anti-hype and in whom common sense prevailed. They were a refuge from the storm of poison columns and commentary. I also commend Simon Greenberg, the Chelski Director of Communications, who stuck it to Russel Fuller of the BBC for viciously insinuating that our Chelsea players are a nuisance and have put the team and the game in disrepute, and all the while hiding beyond the cloak of the reasonable football fan. I've tried, to no avail, to find a record of the interview. So You have to take my word that the interview was a wicked pleasure to listen to. Fuller spoke of Chelsea's "deserved" infamy, then handed Greenberg the opportunity to lay it all on the players. For a minute there i thought he'd take it and run but took the BS and tossed right back atFuller. "Chelsea players," he said, "have been unfairly singled out and vilified for what goes unnoticed when other teams are concerned." Fuller rephrased and elaborated the question but Greenberg didn't badge from his position. Eventually, peeved, he gave up! There's nothing quite as thrilling as witnessing a hypocrite's mask drop! For the record, i actually really like Russell Fuller. It's just he's unconscious hypocrisy that ticks me off!
But i digress. In short, a commanding performance of the calibre we so ruthlessly employed before christmas has long been over due; a performance to lift our sagging spirits and enrapture us. And that is exactly what we got on Sunday; a goal down, and a man less, Chelsea delivered a performance so exhirating, rousing, and polished that its afterglow persists three days later! I won't describe the details of it because you can get those anywhere.

Manchester United gave a good account of themselves too, winning 2-0 against Arsenal. And while some Chelsea fans were disappointed by that result, i can't say i share their view. I have maintained for ages that the gunners, this season, a rubbish; rubbish with the favour of UEFA; how do you suppose they got the easiest draw in the first round of the champions league, a fallen giant in the second, a team that was gifted passage to the next round in the quarters, and the weakest of the last four teams in the semis. So am quite happy that the gunners were exposed for the weak team that they really are. Secondly, Arsene Wenger had the nerve to jest that he would help us win the trophy if he got a request from Roman. Hello Wenger, why don't you help ing your own team! But, it appears the Wenger sans a bribe from chelsea would rather help Man utd win the title. Why else would he rest Henry?
And Alex Ferguson, it seems, is counting on help from all of his friends. But it doesn't really matter, unless he asks as a special favour, all his opponents for the remainder of the premiership to, eh, lose!

They're here!

2006-04-07T07:34:00.000-03:00

Opportunity's a bitch, she's elusive most of the time, but when you least expect it, she comes along carrying a flag and she goes begging. Take CNN for instance, always trying so hard to remain relevant, knowledgeable, and enthralling; resolute in its tedious coverage of leadership contests, for example, invariably themed so and so decides. I’ll never quite forget the three hours of the last American election coverage that I watched because I couldn’t sleep: Jeff Greenberg, Larry King and Wolf Blitzer all commendably saying the same things over and over again. I was fascinated by the monotony and was curious to see how long they could keep at it. Eventually I was lulled to sleep by the dullness of it; which was no mean feat considering how restive I was.

CNN, it appears, has a soft spot for covering elections; although the criteria for selection of which election to cover is pretty hazy. So it would not be unreasonable, to assume that it would jump at the opportunity to cover an interesting major election. But such an assumption would be wrong, because as it happens, the network’s fondness is not for elections but for boring events. Why else would it extensively cover the first anniversary of Pope John Paul’s death and ignored the sensational story that is the Italian election? The Italian election is a dream story, sensational enough to put tabloid reports to shame; except it needs no fabrication or embellishment. It could practically write itself: a rich embattled prime minister, a gorgeous missus who so disagrees with her husband that she doesn’t vote for him, and an adversary who associates with baby eaters, and many testicles. See what I mean?
In the first of two presidential debates held two weeks ago, Romano Prodi accused Berlusconi of fostering corruption in government. Mr. In return admitted to increased corruption but denied that he was at fault. The trouble, he said was that Italians are a naturally corrupted people and it was not for him to rein them in but to lead them. Okay so he didn’t say that but such a statement wouldn’t be out of place in this election. What he did say was that Prodi is a front-man for a coalition led by Communists. And to clear up any uncertainty as to what he might have mean, Berlusconi at a rally for his Forza Italia Party elaborated thus:

I have been accused many times of saying communists eat babies. Go and read the black book on communism and you'll find that under Mao's China they didn't eat babies but they boiled them to fertilize the fields.
They say we look to the past too much, but they forget that in the opposition there are three parties who proudly call themselves communists.
And Mr. Berlusconi is not fazed by doubters, who are in fact under cover communists, because he’s got proof:
In the run-up to winning the 2001 election, Berlusconi said: "I can organize a conference in which I will prove communists have really eaten babies and done even worse things."
What is truly astounding is that nobody seems to take this man seriously. So am taking it upon myself to sound the alarm: The communists are here; they’ll take over Italy, then the world.
They are already at the helm in Russia and are currently heading the G8. I read the Russian President’s entitled “The Upcoming G8 Summit in St. Petersburg: Challenges, Opportunities, and Responsibility”, and boy am I afraid. The speech is subtly littered with communist propaganda and which any right thinking person would do well to pay attention to. The Speech is littered with communist rumbings such as:
We have suggested to our partners that we should focus on three serious and pressing issues: global energy security, combating infectious diseases, and education. These three priorities are oriented towards achieving an objective which we hope is clear to all our partners, namely improving the quality of life and living standards of the present and future generations. (the quality of life and living standards of the present and future generations? Hello isn’t that just another way of saying they are going to eat babies?!)
But there’s more:
Today, global energy is an important and true engine of social and economic progress. This is why it directly affects the well-being of billions of people around the globe.
Is Mr. Berlusconi the only one sane enough to see the danger here?
The way most people see it, energy security has mainly to do with the interests of industrially developed countries. It should be kept in mind, however, that almost two billion people in today's world do not enjoy modern-day energy services, while many of them lack access to even electricity. Their access to many benefits and advances of civilization has been virtually blocked.
Be afraid, be very afraid!
So you’ve been warned. Keep your children in sight, and by all means get that bomb shelter going because they are here!
If you don’t take this warning to heart, you’re an a bloody idiot and a masochist

Dropping Hints

2006-04-05T09:44:00.000-03:00

Suppose you're a clever pretty young thing. You see a lovely pair of shoes that you absolutely must have. But you're not prepared to part with your Elizabeths, Benjamins, Mois, Cows or whatever your preffered currency is. What do you do? Do you
a: Rob a bank and buy the shoes
b: Steal the shoes
C: Convince your boyfriend that shopping's a sport. Then go shopping with him for cheaper items. Stare longingly at the desired shoes, and within ear shot of him wistfully say you'd love to have them but they're much too expensive.

If you're indeed clever you'd go with C, it's a win win proposition. You'll get what you want, and your man will delight in his generosity. But why the hell doesn't anybody ever pick up on my hints!!

Why, you may wonder, am I breaking rank with the universal sisterhood by admitting to the principal behind the practice commonly known as Gold Digging! But It is no betrayal to discuss what is common knowledge, is it? Apparently that cat’s out of the bag for so long that even the Catholic church has become intimately acquainted with it.
When Pope John Paul II's childhood home in southern Poland came on the market some time last year, the Roman Catholic church in Krakow, expressed an interest in it but said that the asking price of about a million dollars, about 4 times the market value of a house of that kind, was far too much.

On the eve of the first anniversary of the Pope’s death, the foundation of Ryszard Krauze, a wealthy Polish businessman, bought the house and donated it Friday to Krakow's Archdiocese. The deed was handed to Archbishop Stanislaw Dziwisz, longtime secretary and friend of the late John Paul, said church spokesman Rev. Robert Necek.
One of the church representatives in turn presented Mr. Krauze with a certificate affirming that he’d earned passage into heaven. Perhaps there's a lesson in this for me!

Party time

2006-03-28T02:51:00.000-03:00

Moi, to the right, at Silk Royale - an over hyped crowded lil place that passes for one of the best night spots in Kampala whose play list is nothing short of a monument to a unoriginality - doing my best impression of a happy clubber; not very hard to do after a blow job and a couple of Screaming Multiple Orgasms. But am getting a head of myself, allow me to start at the beginning.
On the first Friday of March I made a return to the club circuit, following month-long forced absence from. Because of the threat of violence that loomed in the period leading upto and following the Presidential elections, and the illness of my niece shortly afterward, I was confined to my home and fun activities were limited to watching football and watching football. For the record, it's not the possibility of violence that stopped me from going clubbing but the chickening out of my clubbing mates. But, you can't keep a good girl at home for long; the Presidential elections duly ended and my niece recovered nicely. But normal service was not to resume without a few hiccups - story of my life! Isaac, my cousin, M's on and off boyfriend - love's a bitch - who was to give us a lift to da club was taken ill with malaria only a few days we were to go out, and we couldn't find a replacement for him on short notice. But I was determined to end my exile so I told my M that we'd go by public means. Her initial apprehension - it's not safe for two women to go about town alone at night - gave way in the face of my resolve. And so it was that at 10 pm on a Friday night my cousin and I were on a Bajaj, with me wearing a sarong over my skirt - it's singularly unsafe for girls in mini skirts to move about town unaccompanied. We got to the main road, about 7 kilometers away from home, and took a matatu (psv) to town. Then we took another Bajaj to a swanky bar whence we were to meet my other cousin Arm. We hang out with him for a bit then took a taxi to Royale. I was pretty psyched, having known the place by reputation only. But I was really disappointed: the place was crowded, the music irritatingly bland, the crowd unrefined; there's no end to the club's short comings.
I had a good mind to leave early, but having expended so much energy getting there, decided to stay and make a go of it. I accepted offers for drinks and suffered some of the most punishing conversation ever. But my sufferance was not tested for long because after a blow job and several screaming multiple orgasms, which I especially enjoyed because they're made of my favorite poison, Amarula, I was so high that I hit the dance floor with a vengeance and was so dancing on the speakers - that was a lot of fun! I recall shaking booty to Sean Paul's Temperature, which I love, ordinarily, but which on the night was nothing short of orgasmic. Speaking of SP, i hope he never comes back to Africa, coz i'd follow his ass to wherever. We got a lift back home, and slept for most of Saturday. I'll be going to Club Rouge, which, am told, can be enjoyed sans intoxication.

Peace, out! One love

I am going to tell you a secret

2006-03-27T04:22:00.000-03:00

Want to be chic, or to stay on the cutting edge of fashion this year? Forget fancy shoes, clothes, bags, phones or whatever it is that makes people trendy, air a confession. Confession is all the rage: There was Usher with his Confessions album, Lindsay Lohan’s Confessions of a spoiled brat, Josh Groban’s My Confession, Paris Hilton’s Confessions of an heiress, and now Maddona’s Confessions on the dance floor. And the sweet part is that you need not be constrained by such trifles as truth, and honesty; you have license to embellish, omit, invent truth; the more shocking the better. Think a million little pieces. Having become something of a fashionista myself it’s only fitting that I should air my own confession.

The object of my affection is neither my first, nor second, nor only one at the moment! He’s only the latest in a long line of incarnations of “the beloved”;
I’ll not, for fear of being labelled whorish or capricious, name previous incarnations. He is everything my ex wasn’t: the model of resolve, drive, and diligence, reliability, and best of all, loyalty. The FA cup quarter final match between Chelsea and Newcastle on wednesday was a wonderful affirmation of Chelsea’s appeal; loyalty. The game itself was rather disappointing; Chelsea put up a disjointed, and passionless performance that I’ll not describe because it has already been splendidly done. It’s just as well that we won: the team played awfully, and it failed to drive the advantage home when they could have done it many times; winning is all they could have been proud of after such a dismal performance. But, no need then to belabour what must have been painfully obvious even to them; we’re in the semi finals and for now that’s all that matters. But I digress.
The applause accorded to Celestine Babayaro and Scott Parker, both former Chelsea players, at the outset was so gratifying that even the dismal performance could not entirely counter point it. Such loyalty you might say can be found at any number of clubs. But that when viewed along with the fact that big daddy, Mr Abramovich to non chelskovites, and the special one made the trip to Abidjan to support Drogda and the Ivorians in the world cup qualifier against Cameroon late last year then my point begins to become a little clearer. Note to reader, Ivory Coast is in the thick of civil conflict.
Loyalty of the fans through 50 years during which Chelsea had with which to lure and entrance further proves my point. But it’s not all one-way traffic: Chelsea’s devotion to its fans is touching. The decision to grant free tickets to all its disabled fans is a case in point.
Even the recent dip in form is a product of devotion. Am not in any way trying to defend the indefensible, only trying to explain it. The start of the dip traces back to the lose to Barcelona at the Bridge. Since then, we’ve lost to Middlesbrough, Fulham, narrowly won against Tottenham, and gotten away with a few bad performances. The Newcastle caretaker manager reckons it’s because Mourinho was deeply affected by our exit from the competition, and I agree with him. The proponent of clinical play has become dis-centred and it’s rubbing off onto the team. While that’s not a good thing, it shows how much the manager cares about the club; after all, one must care to bother to get upset. Cynics will say it’s all selfish, that he’s ultra competitive and would react similarly no matter what team it was he coached but am convinced that he is deeply devoted to the club and that's all there's to it. Take the celebrations after the winning goal against Tottenham two weeks ago, and if you’re not convinced, then you’re blind!

Ps : I realise that am blogging a great deal about Football lately; perhaps because am always in a parallel soccer universe, either looking forward to a game, enjoying it, or revelling in its after glow. But i'll try an leave it every so often so that the footaball inspired stories don't surfeit

Dodgeball Politik

2006-03-16T04:52:00.000-03:00

Imagine you’re EUDA, the most powerful of regional federations in the world’s most popular sport, Dodge ball, second only to the international federation of Dodge ball Associations in influence. But your power is under threat from Insolent, pompous rich clubs, which purport to start an exclusive Championship in direct competition with the existing motley official competition that is sanctioned by you. Oh the nerve!
And to make matters worse, a baron from the evil empire in the East comes along splashes a bit of money around and altogether upsets the order of things. Now, it’s bad enough contending with elite clubs but there’s some dignity to it. The prospect of dealing with upstarts, who misguidedly belief that money can buy standing, however, is perfectly insufferable, completely without redeeming qualities. Oh, the indignity! What to do, what to do?! Nouveau riche or established riche, they’re all dangerous; and they must be decidedly put in their place and reminded who’s boss! But how?
Soberly assessing the situation and redefining your position so as to remain relevant would be one way. But that’d be too hard, and it would mean that the riche win; no, this calls for the down and dirty, for humiliation - It’s about time a few wings were clipped and a bud nipped!
The strategy is quite simple: promote the smaller clubs at the expense of the more prestigious ones. How is this to be done without exposing yourself to accusations of partiality you ask. Why, that’s easy! A bit of calculated randomness here, and sports psychology there, and viola; mission accomplished! Suppose that in the grouping of teams some property - such as weight, size - of the little balls that contain team names are tampered with, thereby making it possible to discriminate between them, would the process remain impartial? Now suppose that a giant killer is drawn against a giant? Or better yet draw a floundering team, the perfect candidate for patronage, against a giant that is one in name only! Let’s pause and consider the factors that would be at play in such a match up: complacency, and inspiration. The purported giant would underestimate the struggling team. The strugglers on the other hand would be greatly inspired, remember desperation is sometimes as powerful an inspirer as genius.
That would cover most problems save for one: a clinical, dogged upstart team; easelhc dc! That would be a difficult one to get rid of. But squaring it against an established team with a score to settle might do. Grudge match would be a win win situation: a rich team would be eliminated and the one left standing would be too wounded to survive much longer. But upstarts are dreadfully irritating therefore it might be better if they are gotten rid off ASAP. So if you have a discreet referee to subtly make sure of the result you desire, what of it!
And if the years in which the elite clubs and nouveau riche are only punctuations of the years of dominance by a variety of small clubs, who’s to say that’s not the new order of things?

Goodbye to our beloved leader!

2006-03-02T11:26:00.000-03:00

In the most dramatic move of his career as Real Madrid Presidente, one that eclipsed the acquisition of Figo from Barca, and Beckhams transfer from Man Utd, Florentino Pérez, on Tuesday quit his position at the helm. Citing the failure of his beloved galacticos to win a single trophy in three years (and their consistently dismal performances), as grounds for the move, Mr. Perez said, “I don’t regret bringing the best best players in the world to this club, but perhaps I wasn’t able to make them understand the importance of their responsibilities, maybe I’ve educated them badly.”
Apparently substituting an under-performing player, keeping him on the bench if he make a habit of it, and selling off such a player if he fails to recover his form, are not part of Mr. Perez’s teaching method. But selling off an effective player (hello Owen) to placate underachieving star names is.
As a fan of the Meringues, am truly sorry to see him go. Sure the team has been unconvincing for a long while but with him at the helm it was sure that a turn around was just around the corner. I have it on good authority that he had, in the works, just the tonic the team needed to recover. He was in negotiations with the representatives of Maradona and Pele, to bring the two greats to Madrid. Maradona and Pele were to support Zidane and Ronaldo respectively, and make Real’s attack the most lethal in Europe.
And to strengthen Real’s position atop the list of the world’s richest clubs, he intended on signing a sponsorship deal with Macdonald’s, which would see the Fast food company not only pay millions to the club but also supply all the players’ food.

But alas, none of those plans materialized in his time. Neither did the coupe of announcing the signing of Barcelona’s Frank Rijkaard and Juan laporte as the new Real Coach and President respectively while declaring his resignation. He however still hopes to use his influence to bring those two to Madrid. Laporte ought to be easy to convince; he did after all want to sign Beckham for Barca, now he doesn’t have to, he can just come over to Madrid and Voila, he can work with the world’s most lucrative footballer.
Don't cry for Perez Meringues, the truth is he'll never leave!

No Real magic

2006-02-22T10:16:00.000-03:00

Frustration, disbelief, amusement. That was the progression of reaction as I watched the champion’s league game between Real Madrid and Arsenal. The game was a fantastic display of the dinosaur that is attacking football, and Arsenal played with the sort of panache it’s capable of when unchecked; the sort that has been effectively neutralize by the tenacity of Chelsea and LFC. The Man Utd loss, last Saturday, to LFC marked the end of an era; the era of mindless charging towards opponents’ goals passing for football. Make no mistake, I took some pleasure from watching Man U so effectively thwarted and in disarray in face of an opponent more poised and cerebral; but not as much as would be expected. For as long as the measure of a great champion is the strength of its opponents, the decline of a worthy opponent should be no cause for celebration. But i digress.

Arsenal's deft display was not unexpected, what was however was that Real would be so needlessly hapless. Real was effectively a nine man team, two of their number were freeloading: Ronaldo was impotent, and Zidane was evading phantoms. Let me state for the record, lest i be accused of malice, that both men at their best are sublime,a joy to watch, and i love them both dearly. But i love Real even more so. Ronaldo is clearly dispirited and can no longer give to Real the sort of commitement and drive that any player should bring to a team. The fans have sensed that and have, not too politely, voiced their disapproval. Zidane, for different reasons (read old age) is also emasculated. But having witnessed the treatment meted to those who don't perform to expectation he's anxious, rightfully so, to avoid it. So he does him best imitation of a diligent but overwhelmed midfielder. And, by and large, he pulls it off, save for when he's unmarked but like a one trick pony keeps up the act; then it fails - There's nothing more painful to watch than a great man in decline. Anyway, given both players handicaps, i was appalled that they played the full 90 minutes. The presence of those two in the team made a mockery of the valiant efforts of Beckham, Gravesen, Raul, Robinho, Guti, and Casillas.
If Real is to make it through to the next round, Ramon must dare to leave Z and Ronaldo out of the first 14 at Highbury.

On a positive note, Real's awful display against the 5th ranked team in the Premiership bodes well for today's game against Barcelona!

We're all alike

2006-02-14T09:28:00.000-03:00

Is it human nature to treat all things as if they started with our own experience or discovery of them? When we fall in love, for instance, we cannot concieve that anybody has experience it as exquisitely, and excruciatingly. When we discover new information that moves us profoundly, it feels like the first dawn, doesn't it? Maybe it's just me. But no, it isn't; that's just the point of this post - we think and feel alike. Infact i think that our emotional reactions and perceptions are much the same as they were 5000 years ago. That to me is evidence of the inefficiency of spontaneous human evolution. For instance, men have suffered and survived heartbreak for millenia but every new experience of it feels like it's the first of its kind, one to which there will be no end. But i digress. I came across a really interesting feature entitled what girls think, on this site, and i was amazed at the resonance with my own thoughts. I present part six of the feature, with my commentary, for your reading pleasure.
I fantasised about being with you at least a dozen times before we actually first got naked.

'Dozen times' should read 20

When I'm falling in love with you, I completely lose my appetite.

And mind, and ability to sleep, concentrate ....

I'll never tell you how many men I've slept with. No matter how sincere I appeared when I answered your question, chances are I wasn't. As an unscientific guideline, when a woman says she's slept with four men, the real number is actually closer to 12. Her fib is partly intentional (she doesn't want to appear to be a floozy), but mostly it's sexual amnesia. When a woman wants to pretend an encounter never occurred, she simply erases the man from her official score sheet. Common excuses that lead to such an omission: the actual sex lasted only a few thrusts; she was drunk; or on the rebound.

I might tell depending whether you're of substance or not.
When you go away, even for a day, I sleep in your favorite old T-shirt because it smells like you.

True dat!

Just looking at your hands can turn me on.

Hell Yeah! Soni, please testify!

My best friend knows everything. She knows all of your vitals - from the size of your bank account to the size of your other, er, holdings - and she knows how both compare with those of every other man I've dated. And I've done a hand-comparison measurement so I can divulge size and girth with a high level of accuracy. When my friend smirks knowingly at you, you're not imagining it. She knows. So understand that she knows and deal with it. (It's not going to change.) Ask her about me or discuss our relationship at your peril. She will tell me. Even - in fact, especially - if she promises not to. This is not always a bad thing (like if you happen to be telling her how much your love me). But, in general, remember that she is my confidante first and yours never.

Mos def!

Happy Valentine's day

2006-02-14T04:54:00.000-03:00

Slipping
It grows, the foreboding, the anxiety, the morbid anticipation
Slowly shaping into unsubstantial certitude
As i watch you contest against yourself,
Steel yourself against me, build up a resistance.
As you build a case against inopportune feeling, inconvinient feeling.

I feel you slipping away,
Powerlessly, desperately, i watch you drown out truth,
With blaring, insistent apologia.
Resolutely you reason against what you know to be true.
And i can't reach you,
To say i'll demand for no more than that you stay
That i'll be good.

I grope frantically, i try to find a way,
A way to you, to peace.
What ever is wrong can be fixed, i can fix it.
Now it's frenetic, the fear, the anticipation of the end, the frantic groping,
Am losing you!

If you'd speak to me, hear me;
You'd see that the answers are not whence you run
But you don't, you won't
It's from truth that you run

I run after you,
I can reach you if i try, a little harder, i can, i must
I speak but you do not hear me, will not hear me
The engines roar
They ought to stop, they must!
Powerless, desolate i watch you go.

By Kamahoro Peace
Kamahoro is a 23 year old who hopes to be just like me when she grows up. She thinks she's a budding poet of some talent - Slipping is the first draft of her latest work.

Courteous footfare

2006-02-08T11:08:00.000-03:00

The African Nations’ cup may be a useless piece of junk but the tournament is fun to watch nonetheless; even rat races can be fun to watch. I abashedly confess that I didn’t watch the first two rounds of the tournament: it’s always best to wait till those teams which are there only to make up the numbers are eliminated. And when the quarter final games go underway, I was surprised by the fervor I felt! The quarter finals were fantastic, to put it mildly. The draw served mouth watering clashes: Egypt Vs DRC, Ivory Coast Vs Cameroon, Nigeria Vs Tunisia, and Senegal Vs Guinea. Of the teams in the draw, Egypt, Ivory Coast, Tunisia/Nigeria were my favorites: Egypt has been the most compelling team to watch; Ivory Coast has Didier “sex on legs” Drogba for captain. In the match between Nigeria and Tunisia, I started out supporting Tunisia – 12 years as a fan of Nigerian Super eagles have proved that the team is consistently disappointing (Hello Argentina) – but as the game progressed, I switched sides: the Nigerians played better than they have in years. I suspect they were trying to woo me back, but am naïve no more; no longer am I impressed by singular displays – Joy don’t want any more 90 minute men, they can keep the flare, I want trophies (Hello Holland!). But for Tunisia’s dreadful performance, I would have resisted the Nigerian’s charms. As it happened nostalgia coupled with the glimmer of the old hunger to win and the Tunisia’s hapless form was overpowering.
On day one of the quarters, Egypt beat the DRC, 4-1, as had been expected, and Senegal won 4-3 against Guinea in a match which went according to predictions but was more of a contest than could have been anticipated.
Day two’s games were exquisitely suspenseful. At the end of a plodding regular time and extra time, the Nigeria Vs Tunisia was goal-less. The super eagles were the better team through out but went two down during the penalty shoot out; which meant that their goal keeper had to save thrice and all the penalty takers had to score. There were anxious moments during which my gorgeous cousin, Doreen, did a variant of a chicken dance in an unwitting appeal to the gods of fortune, and I bit my nails to the quick; moments of boisterous rapture during which my niece was frightened out of her wits – Ngabire was not harmed, she soon realized that the screams were borne of ecstasy, she’s still getting used to the idea. In the end the Eagles triumphed and the Tunisians were sent packing.

The game between Ivory Coast and Cameroon was fascinating but not just for sporting reasons. It started off most peculiarly, with an exchange of flowers; as would befit an international friendly. The game continued in that vein, courteously, with each team, happy to contain the other, reluctant to spoil the happy mood; until the .. minute when the Ivorians scored. The Cameroonians hit back .. minutes later. After that everybody stuck to the script, and there were no more nasty surprises. For the second match in a row, a match had to be settled via penalties. IC won 12-11 in the shoot out, after Etoo capitulated under the weight of the occasion - All 11 players from both teams, including the goalkeepers, scored in the shootout, and they had to start again - and shot over the bar; Drogba, justified my love, kept cool and slotted in the ball to take his team to the semi Finals; which I cannot write about on account of not having watched the games due to a power outage, a common feature of a country which could be entirely self sufficient and supply half of Kenya’s demand as well. Welcome to Jamrock(congrats to Damian Marley on the grammy wins!) The long and short of it is that Egypt will play Ivory Coast in the Final.

Worthless Silverware

2006-01-25T04:38:00.000-03:00

“They are both Arabs, I can’t cheer on either!” Miss Mukadisi AKA my mum on her criteria for support.
Arab hommies, take not offence; it’s nothing personal, my mother dislikes all non-black people.

Ladies and Gents it’s that time again when middling African teams that pass off as national teams do take part in the rat race for the inconsequential silverware that is the African Nations Cup. Three days after the African nations cup tournament, which I had anxiously looked forward to for months, the Uganda Broadcasting Corporation finally got around to airing the games. The company had not, until last Sunday, gotten sponsors for the live broadcasts. Considering that the majority of Ugandans are avid funs of football -or soccer as the Americans like to call it - even of lame African football, it follows that advertisers would be keen to sponsor such an event. And that all a broadcaster would have to do is plan for and make sponsorship arrangements well in advance. Wrong! That would be reasonable according to Western standards but not in relation to African standards. Yeah, our standards, what are they again?
Am in no mood for apologist excuses, I did not get to watch the opening ceremony of the event and that’s all there’s to it! A vibrant culture, strong morals and a strong sense of community are no recompense.
But no amount of railing will change a thing so moving along to actual, as opposed to self created, difficulties. Foremost is the question of who's a African? Many black African do not support the Arab Africans because they fall short of their standards for Africanness. The reasons for this short fall are nebulous and varied but they largely center around the Arabs', supposed supercilousness, their real or imagined, desire to be a part of the European Union, their identify with their Arab league hommies. I've had little contact with Arab Africans, save for that with my childhood friend Uda, so i cannot speak with any authority on their supposed superciousness but i know for sure that one of the North African countries, Morocco i think it was, applied for membership of the European union. But i can't indict the Moroccans for being pragmatic. As for their moderate levels of melanin, there's little that can be done about it; and no one's perfect! No doubt then as to my feeling on the matter - I truly am a discredit to my parents!

Happily unhappy?

2006-01-25T04:21:00.000-03:00

I had the most peculiar of days today; I was happy, frightfully happy! Most unusual because it’s almost exactly two years to the last time I was happy; don't ask - a succession of unfortunate events! By happy I mean not euphoric or anything extreme but cheerful, sanguine. As a child, happiness was synonymous with exuberance – yes, I was an unusually happy child – my expectations now are more realistic (realism, how I detest that word; so often does it mean disillusionment and negative adjustment of hopes and expectations). But I digress.
One would think that I revelled in the unexpected clearing of the clouds of gloom but they would be off by quite a margin. Because as it happened, I spent the entire day fraught, oppressed by the fear that my joy would vanish as it had come, unexpectedly; the dread was more than equal to the happiness. I was also anxious to know what had occasioned my improved spirits; things don’t just happen, do they? Doesn’t recovery from despondency require some endeavour from the afflicted? It may appear that am looking a gift horse in the mouth but am not. I’d simply like to understand the nature of happiness so that I can make it replicable; I’d hate to be at the mercy of fate! I did nothing unusual that could have occasioned the change. I have a dreadful start to my day, made worse by unending traffic jams; took a chance – which I won’t speak of unless it materialises, read an email from my girl. And voila I was happy. Then I reread an email, which I received three months ago, from a most lovely man but which I had discounted as inane. But in my newly found cheer I found it touching, so I replied most thoughtfully.
Having experienced a day of happiness, and two years of unhappiness, I hereby give my two cents for the latter: when at rock bottom, there’s nowhere to go but up, which rules out anxiety, the forecat is always bleak; despondency is explicable, and therefore more predictable! And one's less likely to be deluded by sweet nothings when depressed.

Hapi nu yeah

2006-01-02T08:44:00.000-03:00

At the stroke of midnight, yesterday, revellers the earth over waved good bye to the old and ushered in the new year; with characteristic fanfare: fireworks, tickertape parades, the works. Such extraordinary efforts, to the extent that cities vie with each other to be more exuberant, makes one wonder; is the revelling borne of expectation or is it the other way around? Is the promise of the New Year so dubious that it must be backed up by ostentatious displays? Isn’t self-deception the purpose of all the fantastic industry? Okay, okay, self-deception’s rather harsh; escapism’s a more suitable word. But it’s a thin line between seeking relief and going off at a tangent. The gulf between the need for respite, and wanton revelling is rather difficult to bridge. The desire to escape is only natural; life sucks! But it’s remarkable that people can mark the end of a year without the urge to weep inconsolably; for faith lost, for struggles well fought and miserably lost….; That a New Year can be celebrated not with lethargy but with great enthusiasm, self-inflicted if you ask me. Ah, but perhaps, it’s genuine; who knows!
Since, cities went to so much trouble to outdo each other, it’s only right that I should do them the honour of choosing which was most outstanding. (Drum roll) The winner by reason of absurdity is Sydney. With the eloquence of fireworks the people of Sydney expressed the hope that love and brotherhood will prevail amongst all peoples throughout the New Year: the fireworks formed fantastic heart shapes in the sky. I wonder whether that means that the Australian government will treat refugees and Asylum seekers better!
And now for a sensible celebratory gesture: prisoners in Kenya forewent their meals in order that they may go famine-afflicted people in the north east of the country. While the gesture is laudable the necessity of it is lamentable. The regularity of famine in Africa is reproachable; people have grown orchards in deserts, and they’ll soon make them bloom on mars while we’re still trying to figure out how to ensure food security in our fertile climatically favourable lands.
Finally, the story of New Year’s Day; the termination of Russian gas supplies to Ukraine, which has the Ukrainians crying foul, and gas guzzling Europeans scared. The Ukrainians claim it’s blackmail; punishment for their having embraced democracy. A four hundred percent increase in prices sounds a bit much but it’s only up to the market price, no more. The Americans claim that the Russians are distabilising the region by increasing prices by so much and so abruptly. There's still no word on what they make of similar moves by their peeps in Iraq. At any rate, Ukraine was trying to straddle the fence between old and new friends; they failed miserably for it was apparent that they’d spurned their old comrades. And even if they’d succeed in straddling; they’d have lost Russia’s Patronage because, it seems to me, that Russia accepts no half measures. On the bright side, Ukraine’s progress in all things western continues, only this time the experience is of the bitter hemlock, genetically modified to remove it's fatal element, that is market prices. Welcome to the New Year, Ukraine; so unlike the old.
Y'all are probably wondering what i did on new year's day; damn it you are! So i'll tell. I spent the night and day with my niece, Ngabire Oweimana Sonia Rain ... We had a great time, rather she did: she peed on me, then laughed at me; wailed for me to sing and dance for her. The new year altogether started with me jumping through hoops to please, only to an appreciative audience this time around - bodes well for the rest of it. Happy new yeah!

Generations

2005-12-31T08:46:00.000-03:00

Hot sexy mama; that's my mother!

Celebration

2005-12-23T09:42:00.000-03:00

Cue Music: It’s a celebration bitches, grab a drink, grab a glass, and then I grab your ass õõõ…
ordinarily Kanye West’s “Celebration” would be the natural choice for cue music for this post; seeing as am sharing my happy circumstance with you and all.
But since watching Oprah Winfrey’s tete a` tete with the cast of the movie Crash, I have had to rethink such leanings. The discussion was characteristic of acute exchanges on racism. Noteworthy, though, was the dispute about the word Nigger/Nigel: A young Caucasian woman asked whether it is offensive to mentally call someone as nigger – A no-brainer if ever there was one: whoever said intelligence or the lack of it is evidenced in the questions rather than the answers, really was onto something! The presiding psychologist, not - thank goodness - Dr Phil, gave the weighty response that his PhD or whatever, uniquely qualified him to give: no. Miss Winfrey then took issue with the coloured people, people of colour, blacks, African Americans’ – take your pick – gratuitous use of the word nigger/nigga. Miss Winfrey’s objection was on the grounds that the word too emotionally charged to be used so flippantly; as is the word bitches I suppose. Luuda, Chris Bridges, to non-hiphop heads and Don “fantastic” Cheadle, defended the practise as an ordinary way of coping with a word that was an instrument for demeaning; by emasculating it. In what must have been an effort of mammoth proportions, Miss Winfrey suffered the impertinence of their disagreement philosophically. The failure to reach agreement leaves me in a pickle: should I or should I not take offence when my friends call me a bitch? Should I cease to call them bitches? Nobody calls me a nigger but should I for future reference take offence if a friend refers to me as such? Shit, what a conundrum!

But I digress bitches or is it ladies and gentlemen, whatever; the object of this post is to share my joy at my good fortune: my lady lumps have doubled in size, and without surgery. My cup overfloweth not but the change is quite remarkable. And to what is this change attributable, you ask. Why, the old fashioned remedy, of course: sleep, and over-eating. Am happy to report that I have, in the last 5 weeks, moved up from 45kgs to 48kgs.

From Uganda with love

2005-12-07T07:07:00.000-03:00

My 17 year old half sister, Sandra, has the same taste in men as I do: she’s hopelessly infatuated with Sean Paul, Kanye West, and Adam Levine, John Legend; which is kind of a problem because the afore mentioned gentlemen are at the top of my list of potential baby daddies. Now my sister a pretty young thing and am, eh, not so young; which raises the question of how to gain the ascendancy. You’re probably thinking that am getting ahead of myself, my sister is probably the least of obstacles in my quest to have children with the objects of my infatuation. But I’ve given much thought to my goal and all possible impediments to achieving it. And following months of agony at the improbability of my ambition, I had encouragement from a most an unexpected quarter: I read an advertisement in a paper that brought to my attention a “doctor” who just might be the answer to my problems. I’ve taken the liberty of reproducing here, vertibam, the beneficent advert; caring is sharing, aint it? So the ad doesn’t say anything about the doctor’s ability to bring illusions to life but anybody of his ability can surely solve my problems, or yours for that matter. The number is authentic so go ahead and knock yourself out.

Doctor M.T Rafiki
Expert in all types of herbs challenging to defeat all mankind problems where other herbalists have failed.
Specialising mainly in:
1. Lost Lovers coming back
2. Un trusted lovers become trusted
3. Longlasting strong erection
4. Premature ejaculation and even enjoy more than one round
5. Making men’s penises big and strong (Max 3 inch)
6. Women’s wide vaginas become tight
7. Dry women get much fluid
8. Jobs and customer attraction
9. Combating evil spirits
10. Lucky charms In form of ointments
Consultation Fee 5,000 shs only or $3
Call 25678949112
Update:
I have struck Adam Levine off the list of potential baby daddies: I played Kanye West’s Heard em say, which features Adam, for my sisters and without fore knowledge, or hesitation she deduced who the featured vocalist was. Such recognition bespeaks true devotion at the sign of which am willing to bow out. I too would have guessed right, of course, but that is neither here nor there, seeing as am obsessed and all.

Consternation

2005-12-07T07:02:00.000-03:00

Imagine you’re the former prime minister of a not so stable oil republic. You hope to regain power by promising stability by cracking down on insurgents, fostering dialogue between parties of differing persuasion and so on. Say the opportunity to embalm your tough talk presents itself but at a time and in a manner so unanticipated that it finds you ill-equipped: you are to address a congregation of one faction but before a single word is uttered, the crowd, armed with knives and guns, becomes rowdy. At the crucial moment your courage fails and in your dismay, you take flight and are caught on camera in the act. How would you recover from such ignominy? Would you
A. Reassure yourself that Life is indeed frightening, only psychopaths aren’t afraid, and that taking flight is a perfectly reasonable thing to do. All who criticise you are therefore psychopaths or cowards whose cowardice hasn’t been publicly tested.
B. Rely on the short memories of the public, and remember that one can survive everything, except death, and live down everything except a good reputation. A reputation for cowardice is really much better than one for, say, kindness.
C. Create a positive spin. Aver that because of your fear you’re better able to identify with your people and understand their concerns.
D. Assert fear of assassination as extenuation for your action.

Any of the above will do; there’s something to be said for the each option. Application, however calls for discretion. Citing option D might not be so credible under our hypothetical circumstances. People may ask questions like, eh, if assassination was the intent was it to be achieved by some new technique that involves the use of noise to trigger spontaneous combustion of the target; the crowd was after all armed, did they deem noise to be a more effective weapon than guns? That my peoples is a question that only one man in the world is equipped to answer; Mr Iyad Allawi.
If Mr. Allawi recovers from this minor set back - and I think he will if the Americans so wish it `a la Chalabi - he may find a quandary more confounding than a raucous crowd; Mr. Saddam Hussein. The deposed dictator has metamorphosized into an advocate of democracy. Yesterday during one of his many days in court - a court whose legitimacy is yet to be established, and is therefore, in the meantime, merely a stage for rehearsal - the former dictator loudly denounced the occupation and proclaimed his support for democracy blah, blah, blah; which is all well and good except for the possibility that by democracy, Mr. Hussein means totality.

Oranges are BANANAS

2005-11-25T14:09:00.000-03:00

If you’re peculiar, you may know that Africa is a continent, not a country. If you’re exceedingly strange you’ll know that there’s more going on in Africa than war, famine, disease, corruption. And if you’re positively irredeemable you may know that a referendum on the proposed Kenyan constitution was held earlier this week.
The draft constitution was years in the making but in the end it proved too contentious to be approved by parliament, so it was put to a national vote. The government threw its weight behind the campaign for its adoption while a few rebel cabinet ministers joined hands with the official opposition KANU in opposing it. The government staked much political capital on the outcome of the referendum. And as often happens when so much is at stake, the campaigns quickly took an acrimonious turn. But the referendum was carried out without incident. The draft constitution was rejected by 58.3% of those who voted. It might well be said that the government lost because it was arrogant and out of touch. One pundit, Macharia, says that draft constitution was rejected, because it was in effect a referendum on the government’s performance. A government that was perceived to be intent on producing a document that catered for its interests, to wink at corruption in its ranks, to have reneged on its pre-election agreement with coalition partners, blah, blah, blah. It’s all well and good but rather superficial. I know better; the government lost for two reasons: poor choice or emblem, and the failure to learn from the experience of neighbours.
The government choose the banana as the emblem for its campaign. A more ill advised preference would be hard to find: Had the yes campaign prevailed; Kenya would have been the butt of many banana republic jokes. Kenyans prize their country’s reputation for peace and stability far too highly to risk its being made fun of. Having sacrificed liberty, dignity, prosperity . .…. they cannot suffer their country being called a banana republic even in jest. At the end of the day the referendum was a not so much about the draft constitution as it was a choice between the orange, the no campaign’s symbol, and the banana as the national logo. In choosing the orange, the people also embraced the colour orange, the no campaign’s official colour, which is curious because Kenyan oranges are green in color.
That hurdle, however, could have been surmounted had the Kenyan government sought the advise of President Museveni of neighbouring Uganda, the man with the enviable record of never having lost an election or referendum; unconstitutional or otherwise. Had the Kenyan leaders picked the Ugandan president’s brain, they might have found out that one must make sure of the desired result before and after the election. Not by campaigning exhaustively and ensuring free and fair elections, dah! But by intimidating the wits out of your opponents and their supporters – inventing charges against them, throwing them in jail, whatever it takes – during the period leading up to elections, and on Election Day. And by stuffing ballot boxes, revising figures on Election day.

On how life is

2005-11-25T11:59:00.000-03:00

Life sucks: the things we agonize about come to pass, and those that we don’t anticipate knock us over sideways.
Tomorrow’s my cousin Armstrong’s execution , rather, wedding. Unless am desirous of reinforcing my, unmerited reputation for snobbery, and am not, I will attend it. I wasn’t disposed to attending it but my new dress went some way towards reconciling me to the idea. Unhappily, it was a size too big so I had to take it to a tailor for alteration. I was assured that it’d be ready today; it isn’t.
As if it’s not enough that I’ll have to put up with snide remarks about my weight, and my single status; now I’ll have to do it without the armour of my lovely dress. That’s right, sometimes a dress isn’t just a dress. But why, in the 21st century a woman must account for her choices and genes is rather beyond me. Am almost certain that some of my aunties question my sexual orientation but are too prudish to articulate their sentiments. Ah, sweet prudery! How virtuous she makes us feel! Some may have 6% unemployment, space programs, pristine infrastructure, blah, blah, blah; but we have virtue. HIV may be endemic but those damned mosquitos must spread it! But I digress. I’ll probably to the wedding if only because of my insatiable appetite for punishment.
Shabbat Shalom.

Ooh, ooh, Joy's been thinking again

2005-11-23T16:23:00.000-03:00

I just watched (hushed tone) the movie Princess Diaries II and it recalled to mind something D.H Lawrence said, “And what's romance? Usually, a nice little tale where you have everything As You Like It, where rain never wets your jacket and gnats never bite your nose and it's always daisy-time.”. The most symbolic part of the movie was when the princess confessed to her betrothed, at the altar that she didn’t love him enough to go through with the wedding, and he, in turn, expressed relief and gratitude at the release from a duty he was not keen on. If only reality were as pure and uncomplicated; sadly, somebody always gets hurt. Also regrettable is the simpleminded focus on the victors in the game of love, the steadfastness with which the feelings of the losers are swept under the carpet. Society is so desperate for romance, in the sense describe by Mr. Lawrence, that it wills it into existence by collapsing ambiguity, reducing contradiction, and resolutely ignores contradictory evidence. I recall that while, as a child, I was glad that the heroines of my favourite fairytales invariably got together with handsome princes, I was concerned for the feelings of their respective spurned lovers, or admirers. Society simply does not know how to deal with the unpleasant issue that is genuine grievance so it makes up delightful scenarios into which the spurned agreeably fit - as secondary victors or as villains- or merely conveniently ignores any unpleasant possibilities. But nothing’s left to chance: the aggrieved are muffled and compelled to go along with the little delusion by the threat of castigation and ostracism. And if in spite of that they’re uncooperative, they’re discounted as maladjusted.
Love, it said, is the subtlest form of selfishness. But if that’s the case, then does it have any room for decency? But allow me to back track a little; what is love? Is it heat and passion, or affection, and admiration? While advocates of the each view disrespect the opposing standpoint, the space between them is really only a question of difference of emphasis not essence. With regard to the question of love and decency, the former doesn’t, of course, preclude the latter. The two however are contrasting in kind: Love is instinctive, where decency is cultivated. But how is decency to be developed in a social order that shrinks from the disagreeable? The combination of a selfish drive and the lack of socialization for unpleasant situations is absolutely grave; it’s no wonder that “It is human nature to hate him whom you have injured.” Surely, we must realise how preposterous, and absurd that is; or we would if we could so much as think it. But in the pursuit of the pretty picture, there’s no time for such ambiguous thoughts, all unpleasantness is under rags swept (hat tip to Alanis).

Am back, quick, pretend you missed me

2005-11-21T12:54:00.000-03:00

Hey y’all, it’s been a while; I’d taken time off to recover from the trauma of Chelsea’s loss to Man-Utd. The mere mention of the incident is sufficient to return me to the brink of the abyss but I’ll not succumb to such disheartening impulses: Having re-watched and re-examination the match am now quite convinced that it was simply a case of ill fortune. And yesterday’s win over Newcastle has greatly bolstered my recovery. In the intervening time, the cock still crowed, markets opened and closed, money was made and lost, and African leaders continued to loose their militia onto citizens- Meles Zanawe and Yoweri Museveni, don’t look away. Damn time, damn life, it just carries on without you!! If only, it just laboured on, that would be bad enough but it positively springs along as though nothing changed! But y’all have missed me, right? Right? Ah (sigh of relief), just as I thought. Some pretty remarkable reports have emerged in the meantime.
A CIA report released last week revealed that Fidel Castro is ailing from Parkinson’s and will soon be to encumbered with it to maintain his grip on Cuba.
Concerns about the reliability of the report and the implications of it aside, it’s really heart-warming to witness the CIA’s latest transformation into. It sure has come a long way from the days when it plotted against and assassinated socialist leaders (The DRC owes it a huge debt of gratitude, that Patrice Lumumba was a threat not just to the Country but to the world as a whole. Thanks to the CIA, the Congolese people have enjoyed unprecedented prosperity).
The CIA is probably taking its cue from America’s oh so compassionate commander in chief. Speaking of whom, the leader of the free world has once again outdone him-self. The latest CNN/USA Today/Gallup poll revealed that the ever so moral president has managed to get himself less trusted than the immoral, deceitful and altogether despicable former president Clinton; proving once again that with heaps of talent and a little help from one’s friends nothing’s unattainable.
Got to go, will post again soon.

Tragedy

2005-11-21T06:39:00.000-03:00

Two weeks ago, I had a discussion with my girl about what I perceive to be an anti-Israeli bias in the international community and media. I was exasperated by indifference to Israeli suffering under terrorism, a concern that was underscored last week following the attacks in Jordan. Before I proceed, let me state for the record, lest I be accused of undue subjectivity, that my solidarity is with all human beings, regardless of colour, race, and creed: The life of an Iraqi lost at the hands of insurgents is as important as that of a Jordanian, Israeli, American, Briton, or Pakistani lost to terrorism. Which is why it is distressing that there are degrees of condemnation of acts of terror; degrees of outrage. Why is it that a terror attack on Jordan is met with swift, widespread, unanimous, and unqualified condemnation; and prolonged international media coverage, while similar attacks in Israel draw, from the international community, dilatory responses so restrained and qualified that they succeed only in justifying the perpetrators and injuring the victims even further. The international media fares no better: each organisation reflects it’s nation’s policy, which in turn is reflective of national attitudes: the attitude of the BBC, for instance is the same as that of the Blair government – the two disagree often enough but on Israel they’re in agreement; so much for independent media! It’s remarkable how quickly a story about a terror attack in Israel disappears from the news; blink and you’ll miss it. It’s as if regularity of terror attacks in Israel makes them less appalling. It’s as if we say to Israelis, “Acts of terror in your country are so regular that you should be inured to them. We have sympathy fatigue so please don’t wear our collective compassion and attention span: There’s only enough for short conflicts.” I especially love fatigue excuse, so convenient it can be applied to any situation: the international community can sit back as children in Niger or the Sudan die of hunger and justify their inaction with that simple argument. But I digress. They’re those who argue that the contentious nature of the Israeli, Palestinian situation makes unqualified condemnation difficult; “One man’s terrorist is another’s freedom fighter,” they say. What’s difficult about stating that the targeting of civilians, Israeli, Palestinian, Iraqi, Jordanian, British, or Indian, is unacceptable is beyond me. Sympathy for the Palestinian cause doesn’t preclude compassion for the suffering of Israelis, does it? Surely there’s enough compassion for all who suffer!
There are those who condemn terror attacks but maintain that they’re inevitable, “the Palestinians were, after all robbed of their land, why shouldn’t they fight back?” they say. The long and short of that argument being that the Israelis had usurped the land that is their state. My contention is that both parties have a just claim to the land. While nobody questions the Palestinian claim, many challenge the Israeli right that is based on a 2500yr title. Which raises the question, does the passage of time erode title? I have always maintained that it doesn’t; ownership can only be terminated by renunciation, or a break in succession. But for some that attitude is impractical, hypothetical, and most of all, without precedent: civilisations grow, flourish, decline and disappear; they do not re-emerge. Taken to its logical conclusion, the argument would be is that Israel doesn’t have a claim to its land because the existing model of the lifecycle of civilisations doesn’t accommodate the anomalous resilience of its people. There you have it ladies and gentlemen, if reality doesn’t fit a model, then reality must be wrong; if something’s unprecedented, then by all means disallow it.
Questions of title aside, there’s the issue of extenuation of terror. We must be categorical about the fact that nothing can extenuate terrorism. Terrorists cannot be judged on the reasonable man standard, any excuse will serve them. The Palestinian issue has been used to explain attacks on London, and New York; what’s to stop terrorists from using the same excuse to justify attacks on Israel’s trading partners, and any nation that has diplomatic relations with the Israelis? It’s a slippery slope down which we don’t want to go.

Abandon

2005-11-05T10:02:00.000-03:00

Are you straining under the burden of living upto some ideal that's completely at odds with instinct? Does dread,of disapproval, underlie your relationships with authority figures? Are unexamined ideas your way of life? Do you go about on tiptoe scarcely daring to breath for fear of infringing on the afore mentioned ideas?Have you just about suppressed all natural instinct save for impulses that get your blood racing,against your best efforts? Are you struggling to quash curiosity for the things that get your blood racing? Have you not the conviction of your impulses?
Well, meinc has for you. With 24 years experience in challenging authority,10 years experience in examining ideas, meinc has developed liberal convictions about those pesky impulses,and a courage to surrender to them; the sort of courage that it'll readily transmit to any willing participants. But, that courage will last for a limited period only; until tranquil contemplation at a safe distance from it will open the way for the return of former inhibitions.
But wait, there's more; the transmission of courage and conviction will be done in such a way that all blame will be squarely on meinc's shoulders. So there'll be no questions of guilt or responsibility.
Offer lasts will sevice stocks last. Call 000254722911000 for the once in the lifetime opportunity to experience abandon.

Honest Questions

2005-10-29T08:24:00.000-03:00

Before i get started, i must say that the relation between the title and the subject of this post in any way reflective of a talent for subtlety or lack there of. It's my tribute to Daniel Bedingfield's splendid song "Honest Questions", which two years ago eased me through a rough patch.
It's 1 am and exhausted by the exercise in futility that is counting sheep in a desperate bid to fall asleep, am listening to music and reading my fantastic book of the week. I just listened to Josh Groban’s Starry starry night, which invariably moved me profoundly. The lyrics “I could have told you Vincent, this world was never meant for one as beautiful as you”, however, struck me with the force of a revelation. In addition to inspiring vicarious sorrow, It got me thinking: How does one know that one’s tribulations are different from the banal troubles that are part of life and are therefore due to the fact that one is too beautiful for the world? And if indeed one is able to make such a distinction, what is the appropriate response? If extraordinariness carries a price so high that it drives one to suicide is it a virtue? If it is to, to whom; the world or to the individual: Is the individual but a channel whose well being is secondary to the responsibility of being a conveyor? If the individual is vessel isn’t he or she important enough to merit special tending? If something is precious, then surely, it should be kept from harm, no?
Goodnight
It's Saturday afternoon, and having had to engage more that auto pilot in order to procure jewellary and books, i noticed, for the first time in a long while, my surroundings. What struck me most was two hommies of Indian or Pakistani descent decked in hiphop and rastafarian panoply. It's offensive that people who do not realise the true significance of such identity claims should usurp them; that people who do not understand brotherhood beyond the bounds of color should adopt such insignia.
I must be going now, clearly this is an issue that requires more thought than i've given it, and i aint got time right now.
Muffti: shalom shabat
Chelsea brotherhood: Arsene Wenger is a hater, we're so gonna win today; he's jinxes won't work!
Have a good weekend y'all.

Nobel for Mahmoud Ahmadinejad

2005-10-27T03:39:00.000-03:00

I hereby, in recognition for his great contribution to humanity, propose Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad as a candidate for the nobel peace prize. Having improved the lot of the poor who elected him, made the desert bloom, and helped the Kashmiri people through the trying aftermath of the devastating earthquake, he's now ready to be the champion of the palestinian people!
By building decent homes, and investing in the territories so that people can get jobs and live in dignity you ask! Why no, silly. The great leader has his sights set on loftier goals than such banal concerns: The wiping of Israel off the map. No, he doesn't mean to commission the mapping of the world anew to exclude Israel and the world oppressor (the West), and anybody he might not like in future so drop that hypothesis. I suppose that the remark "As the Imam said, Israel must be wiped off the map." he meant that he intends put into effect the iman's words, not with a pen but with a mop, which we all know to be the mightiest weapon.
And because, Mr Ahmadinejad is a great humanist, he's glad that the zionist enemy is in fact a robot, so no atrocity will be committed in the wiping of Israel off the face of the earth. What? Israel is full of people you say? Nonsense, yet again a nother example of Western Propaganda. Yes indeed the same West that established The state of Israel in a masterful stroke to infuriate the Islamic world. What? Israel is the Jewish homeland? (Strident tone) Rubbish, i have no time for this propaganda! I must conclude now, but before i go, i must say that the president will himself lead the mop up party, and the leave the mopping operation to the jihadists (children) in order to attend to the all so important task that is logistical support!
Note to France: These comments were never uttered by President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's press secretary. They were never uttered period! This message will self destruct in 5 seconds. 5.4.3...

Pro whaat?

2005-10-25T06:45:00.000-03:00

Muffti, since you're the only one reads this blog - hello Soni? Eric? Oscar? Toni? Marit? No, anyone? - i figure i can write posts for/to you specifically without compromising the integrity of the site. That argument may not be wholly sound but am determined not to think it through so just go with it.
You've been applying for professorships? Really? That's hot; am totally awestruck. I must warn you though; you're perilously close to meeting my minimum standards for human greatness: You're humorous, witty, erudite. What's next; you're a fan of Chelsea fc, you like Superman above all other superheros? Perilously close i said, because if you keep going as you are, i'll have no choice but to give up my attempts at living, rather imitating life, and wholly devote myself to admiring you. And if that doesn't at all sound frightening then perhaps this will help - think psychotic chick in pom-poms following you around singing "This shit is bananas b.a.n.a.n.a.s.."
In light of the fact that you're not just the lowly anonymous genius that i thought you were but an esteemed Professor of knowledge, i hereby replace my earlier generic invitation to Kenya with a specific one to Uganda. Oops had i not mentioned that last week, after all of half an hour of consideration, i decided i'd move to Uganda at the end of the month: Kenya and I have reached the point of diminishing returns. So i've decided to save my skin by moving to a country infamous for dictatorship and war. But not to worry, reputation and reality seldom recognise each other.
It should take me 6 months to get settled, from then on mi casa shall be ready to host your esteemed self. I advise that you come in October so that you may take part in the circumcision festivities. (Note to Muffti: You have no say in this, just agree and prepare to come.) You'll have a blast take my word for it: I'll take time off work to be your personal concierge to Rwanda, Kenya, Namibia; whereever man - call me Miss Africa. But wait, there's more; i'll even cook for you. Of all the numerous attractions to Africa, none's as rare, or extraordinary(extraordinarily bad) as the display of my culinary skills. So forget, white water rafting, climbing lush mountains, cultural tourism, and wild animals, the thing to see is me in the kitchen.

Icons

2005-10-19T11:22:00.000-03:00

Emily Wilding Davison, Emmeline Pankhurst, Christabel Pankhurst, George Elliot, Virginia Woolf, Golda Meir, Margaret Thatcher...
We can now add Destiny's child to that illustrious list. Why you ask! I should think it's obvious but i realise that the ability to connect dots is pretty rare so i'll lay it down for you: Destiny's child as an entity is an icon in the feminist movement. uh? Why, ofcourse: Destiny's child has embodied the completion of the feminist movement. Granted the completion is not cut and dried but the stage is set. Feminism has come full circle: Up until now feminism shunned, despised even, traditional female roles. There was an increase in delinquency because women even shirked the responsibility of child rearing! Infact many social ill can be traced to the intransigent movement: Some women even suffered because of it, the oppressiveness of the effort, of the infinite goals, of the burden of transcendency when there was always an easier option; life was robbed of its beauty and simplicity! And until recently, they've suffered in silence.

But thanks to exception women like Paris Hilton, Jessica Simpson, Laura Bush ... Feminism has been rescued from killjoy overachievers. We can now celebrate traditional feminity without being shunned for it: Just because some women died in the struggle to escape the positions traditionally apportioned to women doesn't mean we owe them anything; it doesn't mean we should renounce those alternatives: one woman's prison is another's field of gold. The fact that the civil rights movement was half completed doesn't in any oblige black people to choose to embrace their rights! The freedom to choose excludes no option: One has the liberty to choose servitude if they so desire. But i've digressed, a whole lot.

The emancipation of the feminist movement would have been incomplete but for the splendid expression of the ladies of Destiny's Child. Not only have they symbolized the evolution and fullfillment of the movement - From Independent Women to Cater 2 u - they've also given voiced to long suppressed women who only desired t0 take Off their men's Shoes, Untie their Shoestrings, take Off their Cufflinks, and altogether Serve them. Women whose lives Would Be Purposeless Without their men. Every crusade needs its values articulated, and embodied. And i'd say These young ladies have done great!

Kicking me while am down

2005-10-19T09:23:00.000-03:00

Life's strange, you take calculated risks, leaps of faith, and cultivate trust. And just when you think the hard work's done, and you're due for a period of smooth sailing, it kicks you in the ass! And while you're down, it kicks you some more. Such is the current state of my life.
For ten years now, i've lived in symbiotic harmony with malarial parasites. At age 14, following a 3 month bout of malaria, i lost faith in modern medicine and decided thenceforth to opt for homeopathic remedies. And so it is that i've lived with a few - enough to keep my immune system alert but not sufficient to cause afflication- parasites in my circulatory system. The parasites in exchange got free shelter, and food. For fourteen years, the situation served both parties well; the perfect symbiotic experience, or so i thought.
As long as the only problem my immune system had was a few parasites, it held up pretty well, and the germs were pacific. But 3 years of unrelenting stress have been more than an even match for my little soldiers. And in my time of vulnerability the germs i have supported for so long have turned on me; and redefined ingratitude and myopia: If i get terribly sick, i'll either die or see a doctor, none of which options are favorable to the little ingrates.

New year's eve

2005-10-13T06:29:00.000-03:00

It's the eve of my new year - 2morrow's my birthday, have you got my present yet? Run along, there's time yet - and there's a lot stock tacking to be done. It has altogether been a dreadful year; personally and universally: a year so awfull that i couldn't help but question everything i believe. In the wake of the juggernaut that has been my year i have nothing but prescient faith. I'll spare y'all the my afflictions, everybody hurts; we're agreed, no proof is needed. With regard to the universal afflictions, i'll say nothing either: there's no need to relive the trauma. I do however extend commiserations to those whose personal distress has been aggravated by nature and the indifference of others. No, am not about to launch into a rant against indifferent leaders, the kind that's typical of tree huggers, socialists, free thinkers, and all variations of maladjusted people. I'll try to stay focused on the good things of the year.
Note to reader: My choices are apontaneous, not at all thought through for the simple reason that if something makes enough of an impression, remembering it ought to be effortless. Or maybe it's because i'd rather not think too hard about this. My mind needs a break from me.
Musically, it's been a phenomenal year: not only has there the music been good but the artists have been commendable. Here's my list of the cre`me de la cre`me - i should get me a french language keyboard- of the year:
Song of the year
Fix You - Coldplay
Honorable mentions
Sometimes you can't make it on your own - U2
You're beautiful - James Blunt
The best of you - Foo fighters
All About Us - taTu
Aint no Love - David Gray
Devils and Dust - Bruce Springsteen
Candy shop - Fity aka Ferari
Goodbye my lover - James Blunt

Album of the year
X & Y - ColdPlay
Honorable mention
Life in Slow motion - David Gray
Something to be - Rob Thomas
Artist of the year

Greenday
Honorable mention
Kanye West
U2
Coldplay
Chris Martin

Cinematically it's been a middling year. There was one extraordinary movie - War of the Worlds-, and one very good movie - Closer. There are probably more good movies but i haven't watched them since movies take ten years before they come to African cinemas, but hey i aint complaining: why should i complain about watching movies only ten years after release?

I'd love to go on but have only have time enough to say big up to my girl Soni, private person of the year. I love you immensely, my life this year has been bearable because of you. I'll pass on the popular way of expressing gratitude- passive aggression, hostility, evasion, rudeness... - and use the traditional one: I'll try for the rest of my life to prove myself worthy of you.
We're gonna have a blast shaking our asses.
Watch this space for pictures of yours truly and her gals shaking their asses in celebration of her, eh, 18th(24th)birthday.

GM: Hope you're having an easy fast. Am with you in spirit.

Kate Moss

2005-10-05T03:55:00.000-03:00

Unless you've been in a cave, in the arctic, on the space station, or in Siberia during the past two weeks, you probably have not escaped the furore surrounding Kate Moss. There those who view the deserved castigation of that immoral woman as sanctimonius, harsh even. It's ludicrous that morally upstanding people should have to defend their sanctions against the derelict but life being what it is, there's no helping it.

When news of and proof of her drug habit surfaced, and she demonstrated her contrition, we magnanimously pardoned her transgression: she may be a supermodel with the jet set life style of a rock star but she's no better than us, infact she's to be pitied, poor little degenerate. It's Life affirming, isn't it? Shows life in a whole new perspective!

If only that had been it, we'd have moved on with our lives. But no, poor little rich girl had to push the bounds of forbearance; the worst was yet to come. The reports of drug use were followed by more sinister ones: It soon emerged that she is a (to be read in relatively hushed tones)sexual pervert. She not only has sexual fantasies, she enacts them. What world is this in which women have fantasies? Aren't they still catalysts and props for the satisfaction of men? Or has something changed! Jude Law was mentioned as one of the participants in those (supercilious, sanctimonius attitude is recommended while saying this) orgies; but am certain that he was a victim of that pariah: why else would he have divorced Sadie Frost(Moss's partner) if he'd had it so good? Alas, society is to blame for this tragedy, feminists were given too many concessions.
But hold on a minute, sexual experimentation is not right even for men. The least we can do is allow for a don't ask don't tell policy. But even with that, she's still culpable. She wasn't discreet in her actions and as a result she stands as a living reproach to all of us for our secret fantasies and desires, and the occasion slips that occur as a consequence. But one's conscience is difficult enough to placate without embodiment. Which is why Kate must be reprimanded: we must embalm our principles by making a precedent of this personification of weakness!

Double take

2005-10-04T06:50:00.000-03:00

She's so gonna win an oscar.
Take heart, hollywood wizardry; it washes iff. Here she is in all her babelicious glory.

A Friend Indeed

2005-10-04T04:53:00.000-03:00

As the year progresses, as President Bush continues to have unexpected(well crafted) moments of lucidity(Public relations successes), as Paris Hilton gets engaged then unengaged, one thing remains constant: My bemusement at life. Not content with pulling the rag from under me, the universe seems to be conspiring to wreck something far more sinister. Paulo Coelho writes of a principle of favorability but i sense that the time for it may have passed; perhaps now is the time for the principle of unfavorability. How else can i explain life. I could carry on but i don't suppose y'all have a whole day! At any rate, i suppose you're breathless with anticipation to hear what i've been upto over the past week. And while am certain that nothing less than a minute a minute account will do; am afraid you'll have to be content with a recap.

Last wednesday, while in the throes of an emotional breakdown, i sought comfort in a friend; in the words of a friend to be exact. My dear friend, in comforting me, said "You're human like the rest of us". Aside from the fact that i've been saying the same thing all along, it pretty self evident that am human. I am, am i not? Maybe i've been missing something. Where the hell are my so called friends, how could you not tell me that i look it ET, oh boy this is really not a good time to find this out. Excuse me while i weep myself to extinction. That's a bit fatalistic! Okay, i'll take a weeping break, catch y'all later.

Hot Babe

2005-09-22T11:21:00.000-03:00

Link

Charlotte

2005-09-19T10:27:00.000-03:00

It's emblematic of my eternal optimism that i chose, for this post, the title Charlotte, instead of bad Charlotte. The later would have connoted incorrigibility for the Punk band Good Charlotte, but they're yet to cross the rubicon.

The name Good Charlotte conjures up fond memories of the band that only recently release hit songs such as "Lifestyles of the rich and the famous", "Hold on", and "Predictable"; the band that was to take over the mantel of punk from Blink 182. A band whose credibility was advanced by the approval of none other than Blink 182's very own Mark!
But what a difference a year makes: The band moved swiftly from berating self involved brats(Lifestyles), to whining about how hard it is to be rich and famous(I just wanna live). Any lingering doubts as to their transition were dispelled by the news that my formerly beloved Joel Madden was dating Hillary "wholesome all American girl" Duff. To date a goody two shoes would have been bad enough but that is hardly the worst of it. He went around pronouncing hyperboles like "she's the greatest singer today,". While she went on a mission to get her fans' approval of the relationship by relentlessly mentioning what a good boyfriend he is! (If "good and wholesome" American disapproved of that child, am sure we'd witness instantaneous internal combustion!) Not content with mollifyinf her funs, the little lady set about winning BF's over as well; at least that's what i thought the "unwholesome" costumes in her "wake up" video were intended for! To help in selling the idea to Joel's funs, the NYTIMES chipped with the assertion "a bit pop, a bit punk". More like "a lotta pop, and no punk". (The Newyork times, ever so objective!) Thus bludgeoned, am ready to submit my approval: Hill and Joel are simply the cutest couple in showbiz.
Now that's settled, anyone want my Good Charlotte collection? I must now set about reconciling with Simple Plan. Guys, "No pads, no helmets, just balls" is brilliant, as is "Simple Plan". I was blind; i'll be yours forever if you'll have me.
All's not lost for GC though. Listen up GC, It's a thin line between pursuing happiness, and flat out self compromise; and if you keep going at this rate, you'll see it in the rear view mirror. But you can still turn things around: Ditch the girl for starters, look for a hardcore chick - Avril and Pink are spoken for, but fifi's still available. Never mind if she may have a boyfriend, get in there and win her over; you can manage that can't you? Write me for steps 3,4,and 5 when your done with one and two. Otherwise you're dead to me,Joel Madden!

Cursory lessons for leaders from Katrina

2005-09-14T05:53:00.000-03:00

The American governments's initial flippancy in responding to the Katrina catastrophy and consequent suffering of the victims have been elicited heavy criticism in the past two weeks. Like any good pragmatist, i'll skip right to the lessons this experience offers to budding leaders. The analysis isn't exhaustive; y'all will have to pay a subscription fee for that.

If as a leader you intend on neglecting your some of your people during a tragedy, make sure of the complicity of the unaffected. Failing that, impose a media black out.

In the event that you don't implement step one, weep not, all is not lost. If your people are so unpatriotic as to criticize your inaction, and you find yourself beleagured, don't panic.

cue music Coldplay's "Don't Panic"

Simply prepare to do battle. The strategy is easy as pie.
First,go to the affected are for a first hand look at the devastation. Arrange favourable photo opps, which cast you as a compassionate conservative. Review resulting photos, select most favourable, and distribute widely - Now there's something to counter negative publicity. Remember no publicity is bad publicity as long as it's well managed. This step is unlikely to yield dividends after one try, there repeat as many times as necessary: if the positive spin fails, then the public just might shut up just to escape the overkill.

Clear your schedule for a week - or longer as becomes circumstances - and announce the cancellation of a few high profile meetings. Remember, publicize, publicize, and publicize. It's imperative that people percieve how you are bending over backwards, cancelling meetings with VIPs, to cater to them. This way you become the good guy, and they, if they continue to criticize you, will seem like ingrates.

No recovery plan is complicate without a scape goat, so be sure to fire some one high profile but dispensible in the greater scheme of things.
But most important of all is an obligatory statement of the obvious. It's not for me to pronounce a one fits all statement: circumstances do, afterall vary. I have however found that one can't go wrong with an admission of responsibility.

A Seal and A Klum

2005-09-14T04:52:00.000-03:00

Congratulations to Seal and Heidi Klum, regular readers of this blog, on the birth of their baby boy. Best wishes to the happy couple.

Wicked Woman

2005-09-14T04:26:00.000-03:00

A new survey by a reputed magazine shows that Angelina Jolie is the principal cause of moral decay and sexual perversion amongst young women. Not content with fantasizing about men, young women are spreading a wider net; and who's to blame? Why, angelina Jolie ofcourse! A survey by playboy found that 57 percent of college girls would get it on with Jolie. She even beat out sex-symbol superstar, Brad Pitt, who only inspired 54 percent women polled to cheat on their boyfriends.
That woman, with her epic breasts, pouty lips, and infinitely long legs...*frown, and shaking of the head in disapproval.
Ofcourse the movies she makes exacerbate the problem. The movie Gia - which i insist on never having watched - for instance, is a case in point. Women are wicked, they ought to be covered up from head to toe, and Angelina is the worst of them: She perverted young boys, and now it's our young women.

Perspective

2005-09-14T03:36:00.000-03:00

I realise that some of you do not, eh, fancy cricket, so this is the last am going to post about England's ashes victory, promise. English delight at the win has been so exuberant that I feel it's necessary to put it in perspective. Below is a picture of the victory party at Trafalgar square. More photos of the parade and party, are available here.

But what was won exactly you may be wondering. Why, this magnificent Trophy ofcourse. Here it is in all its splendour.

No, there's nothing wrong with your eyesight, here it is in context.

Thankfully size isn't everything, - if i say that enough, i just might begin to believe it :-) - Pride is. The Ashes started when Australia beat England, its former ruler, in a match at The Oval in 1882. To symbolize the ``death'' of English cricket, the Sporting Times printed a mock obituary. The wooden bail from the match stumps was burnt and its ashes were taken to Australia. The original urn is permanently housed at Lord's in London. Is all the jubilation begining to make sense? No? Ah, well, your incorrigible!

Superstition

2005-09-13T19:46:00.000-03:00

Musical cue: Stevie wonder's Superstition

Happy defy superstition day to y'all. Yes indeed, there's such a thing! I suppose the premise for it is the idea that superstition is nonsensical and can therefore be discounted. But what if it's not? Nonsensical, that is. There are a lot of things that have no rational explanation but which fit quite well into superstitious construction. The Kamba(Kenyan tribe), for instance, believe that if one's path is crossed by a squirrel, he or she will forget where he or she's headed but will keep on moving anyway. That belief just might be the explanation for the sorry state of the African continent. Then again it just might be that the diabolical colonialists made off with our brains at independence.
cue music: Ricky martin's Living lavida loca(She's into Superstition...)
Ciao

Eighteen Years, Eighteen years ...... At last

2005-09-13T04:38:00.000-03:00

If the title rings a bell, you're an avid music fun: To celebrate England's Ashes win i felt it apt to borrow lyrics from Kanye West's "Gold Digger" and Etta James' "At Last". For after 18 years, my "boys" have at last developed a spin strong enough to stand against the Aussies. Me thinks i may have talent enough of make a go of it as mash up specialist. No? You think not?! Ah well, it was just a thought! But i digress.
What a great day it was English cricket, and for England - The country deserved it. However in keeping with the pattern of the series, it was touch and go throughout the day but bad light and Kevin "formerly a SouthAfrican" Pietersen came to the rescue. I cannot convey the anxiety that assailed my constitution throughout the day. At a point i found it prudent to resign to the possibility of an Aussie win. I consoled myself with the thought that a series draw against the indomitable Aussies was quite an achievement. But that was cold comfort: the dream was so much within grasp that a series draw would have wrought despair. Therefore, i hereby thank those of you who variously invoked the rain and light gods; and the SouthAfrican government whose policies compelled Kevin to change citizenship in the hope to forging an international career.

While on the subject of sports men who change nationality to advance careers, i must make special mention of the Kenyan system, which has facilitated the loss of high class runners to countries like Bahrain... Weep not SouthAfrica, you've got nothing on Kenya; and, atleast your reasons are substantial.
Still on the subject of apostacy, special mention must also be made of John Holden, American-born CSKA Moscow basketball player, who has adopted Russian citizenship in order to play for Russia. Thank you Joh for striking a blow for Russia: I always thought The Hunt for Red October called for a retort. Okay, so it may have been fictitious and all but the Russians couldn't have been indifferent. Furthermore, the fact that the story was fictitious makes Holden's defection sweeter revenge because it actually happened.
Peace out

No pads, no helmets, just balls

2005-09-12T13:12:00.000-03:00

I like to think am ballsy - considering that i don't actually have any balls, perhaps gutsy is a better adjective, but what the hell; you get my drift, don't you? - but last thursday, my courage failed; all the protective gear of an american football player wouldn't have made a difference, a bubble(now that i consider it) might have helped.(Jake Gyllenhaal, call me; your experience might be handy next time). I needed to hide away until the initial despair wore off. If you're wondering what it was that had me so disconsolate, shame on you - why, there are only two possible explanations: England lost to N. Ireland in world cup qualifiers, and James Blake lost to Agassi in the 1/4 finals of the Us open. I'll not risk reopening old wounds by discussing those events.
Redemption, however, was not slow in coming: The fifth test of the Ashes commenced on Thursday. Although to call any of tests in this series redeeming is not strictly true: the redemption is only found in hindsight, proceedings have been anything but pleasurable; rapidly changing fortunes of the two sides have ensured that funs have been enthralled in agony - results have remained in the balance to the very last over. Following a horrid start, they were 131-4, on thursday, the england boat was steadied by Andy Strauss and Andy Flintoff. But then England collapsed spectacularly and were all out for 373. To make matters worse, the aussies started out auspiciously reaching 112-0 by the close of the second day. With that i was certain that they's go on to build a massive total and England would have a chase on their hands; i was therefore resigned to the prospect of an English loss and didn't bother to follow the third day's proceedings. So it was that i checked the score on Sunday, expecting the worst but was pleasantly stunned to discover that the aussies had been bowled out for a meage 367 runs thanks to Andy "prospective father of my children" Flintoff and Matthew "unwitting boyfriend" Hoggard! So it that on the final day of the fifth test, England stands poised to win back the ashes after a dry spell of 18 years. England could win today with not so much as an over played: If bad weather prevails. So join me and funs of English Cricket as we pray for miserable weather! And in abscence of that, bad light will do.

While on the subject of balls, i'd like to single out a few people for their ballsiness or lack thereof. (Not a word about my grammar, i'll be grammatically correct when y'all start paying a subscription fee.)
First, The good. Kanye "the man" West - Need i say more?
Roman Abramovich and Jose Mourinho for attending the Ivory Coast VS Cameroon game in Abidjan Sunday before last. It might not seem courageous at all but if we consider that Ivory Coast is an African country in the throes of a civil war, the perspective changes entirely.
The bad. George Bush, for failing to get his ming around the idea that Americans, black or white, ought to be his highest priority; one that should transcend even his predilection for military adventures in Arab lands.
The ugly: Barbara Bush for suggesting that the hurricane worked out well for New Orleans' poor. "What I'm hearing, which is sort of scary, is they all want to stay in Texas. Everyone is so overwhelmed by the hospitality. And so many of the people in the arena here, you know, were underprivileged anyway, so this is working very well for them." she said.
No doubt it's worked put well for them: they may have lost loved ones and everything they own but what's that compared to Texan Hospitality.
Ladies and Gentle men, it appears that the inability to open one's mouth without putting a foot in it is indeed genetic. I shall continue to make observations in a bid to ascertain the notion.
Ciao for now.

Back off Toni Blair, you 2 Chris Martin!

2005-09-07T06:37:00.000-03:00

A wise person, i think it was Pablo Picasso, said that inspiration exists but it has to find you working. I haven't posted in a while (evidently), and it's been an uphill stuggle to start again. I came up against a dangerous combination of disillusionment, frustration, and despair. And needless to say, i didn't stand a chance. So how did i get up, you ask. Well, it's thanx to Lord Acton whose words - Learn as much by writing as by reading - continually weigh on my mind. But most of all it's due to guilt, yeah! I thought about what Geoge Elliot would think of the spurning of an opportunity for expression and was certain that she'd be none too impressed. So, no high ideals here, but they'll find me slogging along.
What, you may be wondering, is the cataclysm that wrought despair. You're not?! Ofcourse you're, and if you're not, i'll tell you about it anyway!
In the aftermath of Live 8, i ventured to determine the general opinion with respect to the concerts. Venture is the wrong word to use; it connotes an uncertain outcome, and, if nothing else, i was sure - misguidedly so, but sure nonetheless - of what the consensus would be. If any adjective could sum up my attitude towards the live 8 campaign, it'd be: indignation. Indignation, not at the effort itself but at the necessity of it. Necessity born of famine, disease, and all manner of destitution. Am trying real hard not to start a diatribe about how the responsibility of all these ills lies squarely at African feet. But i digress. So when i sought opinions on the subject of Live8, i was almost certain of unanimous indignation. So i was taken aback to find that a significant number of people - people whom i respect - felt that the campaign was simply another self-serving ploy by the white man. Campaigning against Poverty in Africa the ostensible reason for the concerts, the real reason, wait for it, was free advertising.
Yeah, there are people who'd have us believe that band Coldplay, whose members donate 10% of their earning to charity, and whose album X&Y was number 1 in over 20 countries at the time,were motivately purely by self promotion. To what end, i wonder! So that their album would rocket up to number 0? These horrible white people, always out to make a quick buck at our expense. Back off Chris Martin, African destitution is a unique product, we'll not allow you to exploit it. Don't y'all have enough: technological advances, clean streets, good housing, social services... I could go on, but that would be rubbing salt into an already sore wound. Are those things so inadequate that you want in on the one thing we've got.
While on the subject of white people who profit from our miseries, it's be a shame to leave out Toni Blair. Yes you Mr Blair, look at me while i talk to you! This will hurt, but it's for your own good: We don't want your help. Tell your Ambassadors to back off: Edward Clay, am referring to you and the likes of you. If our "leaders" get rich at our expense, its no concern of yours. You criticize them only because you begrudge them. Don't get me wrong, we hate corruption and depravity but if they're consequence of the actions of our vey own, they're tolerable.

To the British People

2005-07-08T04:30:00.000-03:00

The attack on you is an attack on all humane people. We share your grief, and stand with you, today and always: You will never stand alone. May your heads forever remain unbowed!

Sanctions

2005-06-30T11:21:00.000-03:00

Every society imposes sanctions, legal and social, on their members in order to encourage approved behavior. It's my considered opinion that sanctions often fall short of what ought to be their ultimate purpose: justice. That sanctions are counter productive is a matter of fact. That they're often so, is a considered opinion. It's easier, however, to prove travesties of justice due to legal statutes than those that occur on account of social sanctions: While proof of legal injustice is often plainly visible, the signs of social wrong are almost never obvious. Therefore recognition of social repression requires a little less self-infatuation and more perception than is common. Hence the a significant number of people in every society live lives of quiet desperation; desperation exacerbated by the fact that in such a situation, reprieve is beyond hope: one can hardly expect it from the those responsible for the distress.
While i believe, in principal, that social sanctions can play a significant role in forstalling the defects of the legal system in preserving justice; am not convinced of their efficacy in reality.
Who defines justice? Legal standards of justice are often set to benefit special interest groups. Therefore there many things that are legal but not fair, partial to the priviledged, or simply inequitable to the poor. The origin of social criteria are less clear as are the standards themselves. Furthermore, one cannot know social limits until they're infringed. My grievance against social sanctions is that their impact on justice is contingent on the collective ethos of a society; which is basically a composite of averages: average intelligence, humanness, level of progressiveness, toleration..... Winston churchill was onto something when he said that the best argument against democracy is a five minute conversation with the average voter.Am apprehensive of entrusting fairness to a mechanism whose ideals are often questionable at best. "Often" i say because if a spciety's values are questionable even once then it's one time too many. Many atrocities have been committed as a result of social attitudes: slavery, the Rwandan genocide, the spanish inquisition, to mention but a few. But there are horrors, which beacuse they're not quite as arresting in their iniquity that escape notice. The quiet desperation of families who lose loved ones to disease because they can ill afford the requisite healthcare for instance. And yet as a society we are complicit in such tragedies: we worship wealth without concern for how it's amasses. Don't we then implicitly sanction corruption. Is it any wonder than that there insufficient funds for social services deperately required by so many and afforded by so few? But the pervasive influence of our social standards stretches to the crib to ensure that children are taught compliance from an early age. It stretches to the classroom too; to ensure that troublesome students don't slow the education process by asking too many questions. But as if those restraints aren't enough, society purports to dictate what we'll do in our private lives; how we'll relate in relationships, what we'll read, listen too.. A propensity for rock music and western literature carries with it the risk of being referred to as one who possesses "white tastes"; which extrapolates to mean one has a fondness for white people. In light of our history, that's hardly complimentary.
Perhaps i shouldn't like anything by white people on account of the injustice they perpetrated against us but then by the same token, i shouldn't like anything by black people either. Because when i seek the enemies of my people, they who impoverish them, and rob them of their dignity; i find that they look like us, and even speak our tongue. And yet if such those crimes are accomplished subtly, then the culprits face no repercussion. Are such people closer to the ideal espoused by our society than the misfits. Is he who steals tomatoes and onions worth 3000 shillings less desirable than one who "misappropriates" millions of shilings? Are we to sacrifice all individuality so that we can belong? Are we to sacrifice all instinct and reason at the altar of social sanction? Surely we must reassess and redefine our ideals!

Quote of the week

2005-06-29T11:20:00.000-03:00

"My fear . . . is my substance, and probably the best part of me." Franz Kafka

Random thoughts

2005-06-28T03:07:00.000-03:00

Hey y'all, i've been away on a journey of self discovery; which explains the abscence of posts during the past week. Such draughts, while inconvenient to you, are necessary if am to avoid the wide and easy road to bland ville. My journey, which comprised of a roadtrip down the information super highway, manic bouts of reading, and deafening music came to a gratifying culmination last weekend. The atypical nature of this post is testament to the impact of respite on attitudes. But am getting ahead of myself! I've always placed a premium on profound articles at the expense of inappreciable intimate stories. I am learning, however, that expression need not always austere to be substantial; that a mundane story can be very telling: Subject matter needn't be earth shattering to make a difference. But, perhaps, most significant has been the recognition that to disregard the mundane is to be false: Life, after all is ordinary most of the time, and issues are important because of the way they impact on commonplace concerns. My former concepetions of expression are probaby reflective of a desire to escape what seems like an unremarkable existence. But i'll leave psychanalysis to the experts; am rather ill equiped for it! A wise man once said that life does not cease to be funny when someone dies any less than it ceases to be serious when we laugh. Only now have i come to truly appreciate that statement. At any rate, since last week had such a profound impact, i've elected to share highlights of it with you. (And if, after reading this, you're not particularly partial to my improved outlook, worry not: They co-exist quite well with the old ones.)
Friday night was brilliant: I was at work till 9pm. With the the wonderful music of the fantastic Counting Crows, Peotic legacy of the Beats, and all information one could desire at my fingertips, i was comfortable and happy. Perhaps too comfortable, for i was almost locked in the office. A strange way for a young woman to spend a friday night? I think not! I've long cease believing in the possiblity of meeting "my prince" in a club; I did meet one once but he was too akin to the prince in Shrek 2 for my liking: He professed enchantment but could not remember my name after 15 minutes. Furthermore i've lost the illusion that transcendental frame of mind and unhibited dancing to abstract techo tunes may result in a mysterious and spontaneous release of the spirit from the confines of the body. In respect of the desire to show off my body in barely there clothing; there's a phrase that fits my attitude: Been there done that; moving along then!! So i went home, and read for three hours before going to sleep.
I spent the weekend reading or sleeping, and somehow found the time to prepare a meal, do my laundry, and clean house. Those pesky diversions make me think longingly of the hunting and gathering phase of human evolution; however will i make any appreciable dent in my ever growing list of books to read if i must constantly tend to banal activities!! But then our hunting/gathering ancestors didn't have books at their disposal. Perhaps i'll have to put up with cooking my food as a necessary evil:-).
On Sunday night i listened to highlights of the Glastonbury festival on the BBC. It was a bitter sweet experience: Alongside the delight of listening to some of my favourite rock acts- Coldplay, The Killers, The white Stripes..- perform live was the strong countercurrent of sorrow at not being able to be there in person. The high point of the broadcast was coldplay's rendition of Kylie Minogue's "Can't get you out of my head". A poignant homage to Kylie who was originally slated to appear at Glastonbury but was unable to due to her illness. The moment captured why, despite the hype, i love Coldplay as well as i did when i first heard their music back in the year 2000: They embody the best of our flawed nature; genuine compassion, consideration and empathy. I almost cried at the beauty of the gesture. Inspite of the spirit of the moment, i was struck by how moving their rendition was: it thew the sentiment of Kylie's love sick schoolgirl original into stark relief. (No offense to love sick schoolgirls). Alios y'all, i'll write again before the full moon resurfaces; just kidding! I'll write before the week is out; definitely maybe;-)!!

Mental Slavery

2005-06-13T08:49:00.000-03:00

Slavery, apartheid, and colonization have a whole lot in common, but perhaps their most fundamental similitude is the fact that they were all justified by the premise that the black man was inferior. Slavery and apartheid were unscrupulous, unapologetic exploitations of the black man. Colonization, however, was for his "benefit". The high minded British were motivated by the desire to civilize us and save us from our savage selves. The unscrupulous, and perhaps more honest, Belgians, of course, were not unduly concerned with the appearances; they needed no guise to maim, kill, and plunder. (Hey Belgians, we know what you'all did and as soon as our house is in order, we'll come to collect long over due reparations!! Therefore you have atleast 50 years to raise the money. Fore-warned is fore-armed, so get to it.)
Behind the veneer of benevolence, however, the British were akin to the Belgians; they too were self serving. Even their magnanimity was a selfish gesture intended to assuage their guilt. But perhaps am too hard on the good old British. In spite of their motives, they did after all hope to convert us from our pagan ways, teach us their noble language, and all together make imitations of English men out of us so that when the "extreme makeover" was done, we'd be worthy to serve as maids in their homes!! But we exceeded those expectations and proved to be an unexpected match for our "benefactors". Predicatably we demanded equal treatment; and faced with such impertinence, our benefactors' facades cracked then fell apart: It became clear that the argument for the inferiority of the Black man rested on the colour of his skin. Although they'd have had it otherwise, Caucasians could no longer hide behind guises; their pretexts had fallen apart! Hence the new the new maxim; "All men are equal but some are more equal than others." (RIP Dude)
One would think that with independence we'd have shaken off those condescending shackles. But it's hard enough to free fools from the chains they revere (w'sup Monsieur Voltaire). To expect them to free themselves is fantastic attempt at self delusion.
A few months ago i read a job Post on the campus notice board that advertised for marketing seniors who were interested in working for the the customers relations department of a local mobile phone provider. The only other requirement was an American or British accent. (Yes, you read right, an American or British accent!) To say that i was stunned would be an understatement! That Caucasians are so audacious as to presume that they can condescend to us in our own countries is bad enough. That their confidence is well founded and presumptions borne out is worse still. Why, i wonder did we bother fighting for independence, for our dignity when we would, a few years later, turn around and hand them back to the colonialists on a silver platter. It's a wonder that the British didn't heed Benjamin Disraeli when he said that a colony doesn't cease to be one just because it gains independence. The audacity of such condescension is appalling. But consternation at it pales in light of the fact that the contentious recruitment criteria actually taps into a part of our psyche that is inclined to revere Caucasians. For instance it's not uncommon for white people to get preferential treatment in hotels, restaurants and the like. How else can one explain the fact that a Caucasian male masqueraded as a guest at The Serena for three months before he was discovered to be an imposter. Billie Holiday was right; You can be up to your boobies in white satin, with gardenias in your hair and no sugar cane for miles, but you can still be working on a plantation. Perhaps we are not outraged at condescension because we not averse to it; or are expect it. And if that's the case, is it an offence to our dignity to be treated as we think we ought to be? Are we so blind as to be satisfied with the illusion of freedom? Peace out!

Quote of the week

2005-06-13T08:45:00.000-03:00

"I want a man who will not treat me like a woman, but won't forget am one either!"
R.M.W on the distinction between condescension and consideration.

Live Aid

2005-06-10T10:29:00.000-03:00

To the "huge and loyal" following of this blog :-), i extend my sincerest apologies for the week during which i've posted nadda. Whoever said the pen was mightier than the sword must have lived in utopia. The futility of social criticism is so daunting that sometimes one can't help but give in to it. But as a wise man once said; there may be times when we are powerless to prevent injustice but we must never fail to protest. That and an editorial i read in the Jerusalem post (the online edition) got me inspired for the first time in weeks!
The article is about the controversy surrounding live aid. For those of you not in the know, the upshot of it is that Andy Kershaw, a DJ at the BBC, has criticized the live aid project, which is intended to raise funds and awareness of the dire plight of Africans, for including only one African, Youssour N'dour, in its artist lineup. "If we are going to change the West's perception of Africa, events like this are the perfect opportunity to do something for Africa's self-esteem," said Kershaw. "But the choice of artists for the Live8 concerts will simply reinforce the global perception of Africa's inferiority." The insightful Mark Steyn, author of the article, points out that Bob and Andy agree that paternalism and condescension are the only ways to deal with Africa, they're just quibbling over the particular form of condescension.
I do not doubt that Africans are inferior- of course, there are exceptions:-) - and neither should anyone who views reality objectively. And skin colour has nothing to do with; any moderately well read 15 year old knows that. (Narrow minded Caucasian and Asian- Take that!) All races were equal to begin with; yes even Ashkenazis were not always exceptionally intelligent: European Jews in medieval times were restricted to jobs in finance, money lending and long-distance trade — occupations that required greater mental gymnastics than fields such as farming, dominated by non-Jews — their genetic codes over the course of some generations selected genes for enhanced intellectual ability. But i digress; Africans are inferior because we have forfeited the right to be equal by shirking our responsibilities; we have failed master our fate: we are at the mercy of the weather, when the rains fail, famine breaks out and we forced to beg for relief. Further more, our governments have failed to provide the most basic services: access to medical services is limited, the few education institutions we have have failed in their duty to alleviate our children's ignorance and have made them stupid instead -they are taught compliance above all else. How is it that decent housing is beyond the reach of most Kenyans? Our people have been robbed of their dignity, they are at the mercy of benevolent Europeans!
Yet, we , the people are ultimately responsible for the quagmire in which we are. We have allowed our leaders to rob us blind. We too have forfeited our rights: we do not demand our due; and show gratitude for travesties of it. We turn a blind eye to all manner of ills in the name of patience. But patience taken too far is cowardice. The fact is that we are all cowards; yours truly included. We express no outrage when we should And on the rare occasions when we are outraged, we are easily pacified by government tokenism. Our governments understand us perfectly; which is why they stay in power for long period in spite of their ineptitude and incompetence to govern. Indeed, we get the leaders we deserve!

When we don't stand up for ourselves, then those who are too humane to stand by and watch us sink are obliged to advocate for us. And yet their advocacy for debt cancellation, fair trade, and greater aid donation is a recognition of our inferiority. Why should Africa's debt be cancelled? When one borrows money, it's generally understood that he or she will return the full amount with interest. But reason and common sense do not apply to Africa. Appeals to pity will do just fine for us, thank you. Shame on us!!

Media on Africa

2005-05-27T00:25:00.000-03:00

The International Press Institute held its 54th General assembly in Nairobi last week. The theme of the assembly was, 'Reporting Africa'. In his speech at the assembly, the Rwandese President Paul Kagame deplored the negative portrayal of Africa by the International media. Why, he wondered, was the image of Africa was that of poverty, famine, disease, corruption and civil wars, while it was a continent blessed with one of the oldest cultures and most diverse wildlife.

Why indeed?! Could it perhaps be because poverty, famine, disease, corruption and civil wars are prevalent?! It's just a thought, only a thought. Can anyone dispute those adverse stories? Surely not! How typical of African leaders to change the subject rather than address difficult issues! The president proposed culture, wildlife, and the strides that Africa is undertaking to change its face as alternative topics for coverage.
In respect of culture and wildlife, the president should know that every continent has its own. How often does he see news coverage of Britain, Pakistan, China, or The U.S of A's culture and wildlife? Why should Africa be judged using a different standard? Does he mean to say that Africa isn't good enough to be judged by the same standard as every other continent. How can we expect to be taken seriously be anyone? Doesn't that perpetuate the idea that we are inferior?
In my very informed opinion, international coverage of Africa is not nearly as bad as it could be. Fortunately for African leaders news constitutes a movement away from the norm. Imagine how much worse the coverage would be if dilapidated infrastruture, political intimidation, repression of civil rights and media freedom, to mention but a few ills, were not the norm? I don't mean to imply that the nothing changes. Things change but for most people,they only get worse. The reason such changes aren't news worthy is that they occur by degrees.
The president added that Africans must take responsibility for the sorry state of our affairs.He said that unless Africans begin to portray themselves in a good manner that they are capable of, the international media will continue to portray a negative image of the continent.
How i wonder can we portray ourselves in a "good manner" without deluding ourselves?!

The president also wondered why the continent has stagnated economically, despite its endowment with abundant natural resources.
That is a question best answered by our beloved leaders i should think!!

Wear sunscreen

2005-05-26T09:37:00.000-03:00

Wear sunscreen is the title of a song that i absolutely love. It contains useful advice that i resort on occasion when all else fails,which is dispensed without so much as a hint of sanctimony-unqualified certitude is an attribute i've become wary of. A wise man once said that the problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so sure of themselves while wise men are given to doubt. And doubt,as Rene Descartes so aptly put it,is the begining of wisdom. (Note to reader: Distrust anyone who is certain of everything; surely they couldn't have lived long enough to resolve their doubts about everything,it's more likely that they never had any to begin with.)
But i digress, my favourite part of the song's lyrics is this, "The race is long and in the end it's only with yourself.." That's self-evident enough you'd think but apparently not so.
I have recently been the victim of malice. A more knowlegeable and better informed person took it upon her/himself to hurt/punish me by withholding knowledge. The intention, i suppose, was clarify the nature of our relationship; to remind me that i needed him/her more than he/she needed me! Clearly an intellectual expression of emotional needs! To paraphrase Einstein the great, intellect is more important than knowledge. Unless one has an intellectual edge, i can always catch up or surpass them.
I appreciate the fact the some people have the need to compete with others but it can be done in two ways; positively or negatively. One could subdue the competition or transcend it. I don't believe in competing with others, it's hard enough racing against myself. But if anyone would like to compete with me,am always ready to indulge them! However there are rules; if you're worth anything,pick on someone your own size. And if you're any good, there's no need to play dirty. If you do however, perhaps you're not as good as you thought you were!!

crumbs from their tables

2005-05-25T09:16:00.000-03:00

Lately am having a torrid time coping with the reality of life. The reality that people are deliberatley unkind, cruel even, that friends are rare. Humanity,which i always took for granted,seems dated. It's as if the world changed over night,and am night equal to the new challenge. What are we here for if not to make life easier for each other? People are so paralyzed by fear that they don't want to get involved in anything, or they are too busy to genuinely are about anything. We make perfunctory gestures that are so hollow that it'd be best if we did nothing at all. We are so may and yet so alone. Hurt is not a reason to never care again. As Bertrand Russel put is,it's said that man is a rational creature but am still awaiting proof of it. Many people are enslaved to knee jerk reactions,very few think things through before responding. It's a pity really. Look what we've become; lonely, despondent, suicidal, angry, dependent on psychologists!!